Wednesday, November 30, 2016

South African Goalie With Insane Game Tying Bicycle Kick In Stoppage Time


Baroka FC Goalkeeper Oscarine Masuluke scored the goal of a lifetime today.  I'm not going to pretend to be a soccer expert, I like it, but I definitely am no expert.  But this is insane.  Completely nuts.  Not only did the goalie score, he scored on a bicycle kick.  Not just any bicycle kick, but one that tied the game on what would likely have been the absolute last chance of the game.  If you're the other goalie you have to retire right?  You can't come back from that can you?  This guy did not retire, he decided to take a pic with the guy who basically did the impossible on him.



Some may call him a stand-up guy, I would say he isn't competitor.  That's fine, but personally I want someone who's over the top competitive in the net.  Someone border line psychotic.  Someone who would beat up their family for a random example totally off the top of my head.  Need that edge in the net.  Maybe it's just me.  If you want some softie who's just gonna sit back and accept the fact he cost you 3 points in the table by giving up a goal to the keeper that's fine, just don't come crying to me when the team isn't where you want it to be.


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Monday, November 28, 2016

How Sad Are The Eagles For Putting 4th & 26 On Their Jumbotron During Pregame?


For those of you who don't know what that reference means here:



So that was 12 years ago.  Today, as you saw, the jumbotron guy in Philly thought it would be HYSTERICAL to put that up.  Good one?  Got us?  Should we just give you the win now?  Nobody on either team tonight was a part of that game.  Two different head coaches, hell Aaron Rodgers was still in college!  There's a very good chance the Eagles win tonight, but that has more to do with the fact our secondary is garbage and allow 40 points a game than anything that happened in the playoffs 12 years ago.  Did you win the Super Bowl that year?  No???  Well did you even make the Super Bowl?  You didn't??  Have you ever won a Super Bowl?  You haven't?  Well congrats, Philly.  12 years ago you made a great play to win a chance to go to the Super Bowl when you were the best team in the NFC and couldn't even win that.  So in the end, it means..I guess....NOTHING.  But good burn though, good luck tonight.





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Monday, November 21, 2016

Joel Embiid Sends Devin Booker's Shot To The 35th Row. Celebrates Win Wearing His Own Jersey To The Club


My Lord.  Embiid with no regard for human life!  I know he didn't dunk on Booker, but that ball probably injured a fan in the upper bowl he sent that thing so fucking far.  That has to be the most soul-crushing moment in basketball, just seeing you shot get sent to about the 16th row in the 200 level.  Getting dunked on, or j'd, or even crossed up all suck.  But usually they fire you up, getting your shot volleyball spiked to the next town over is just flat out demoralizing.  Poor Devin Booker was having a great year, now I wouldn't be surprised if he never wants to shoot a basketball again.  But how did the big fella celebrate his block and win over Phoenix where he dropped 26 and 20?  He hit the club wearing his own jersey.  Absolute LEGEND.


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The Bucks Had An A+ Troll of Warriors Fans in Milwaukee. Or That's What I Thought Before I Found Out It's Been Done Before. A Lot.

So if you're a new reader, or you don't know me, I'm from Wisconsin but I'm not a Bucks fan.  I am a Warriors fan.  I have been since they drafted Steph Curry in 2009, because he's been my favorite player and the biggest reason I got into basketball, and the NBA, since I saw him in the 2008 NCAA Tournament.  So as a Warriors fan I am naturally subjected to any and all bandwagon fan jokes.  It's all in good fun, usually it's as a last resort because people hate my team and their good.  So before the Dubs took on my home state Bucks I saw Barstool Sports tweet this:


I'll admit, I laughed.  It was pretty good.  But then I found out it's been done before.  It's been done a lot actually.  And not just once, and it didn't even start this season.  Last season the Knicks did the same thing to Warriors fans in January.  The Bucks even took one of the jokes WORD FOR WORD



I mean I get it's a general troll question to ask Warriors fans, but c'mon.  You can't blatantly take the joke exactly word for word, that's just lazy.  But the bandwagon cam came out in 2014 (!!) when LeBron was on the Heat and they were playing the Wizards in DC.

Link if you don't believe me: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/dc-sports-bog/wp/2014/01/16/wizards-bandwagon-cam-mocks-heat-fans/

Oh, and our neighbors to the West, the Timberwolves, did the bandwagon cam to Cavs fans in 2015


Link: http://nbatitlechase.com/blog/2015/02/04/timberwolves-bandwagon-cam/

So before you go sucking Milwaukee's dick because they're so savage and it's the funniest thing ever.  It's been done before, it's still funny but it's not as funny as people want you to think.  Not that this will stop you or anyone else from forcing more 3-1 jokes or hating an incredible team that's maybe the most fun to watch ever other than maybe last year's team because they're good.  See you in June Cleveland.

PS- if you're also a Warrior fan, even a bandwagon fan, prepare to see this A LOT the rest of the year, especially since this one blew up Saturday.

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Thursday, November 17, 2016

Kate Upton Was INFURIATED With Justin Verlander Losing The Cy Young Last Night

So in case you missed this a) move out from under your rock.  And b) Justin Verlander lost the Cy Young award to Boston's Rick Porcello last night, despite having the most first place votes.  Word got back to Kate that two writers didn't even have Verlander on the ballot and THIS is what followed:



I like that last one.  Like every writer who covers the MLB is an MLB employee, I think not.  Also Rick had 8 first place votes, Verlander had 14, but 8 and zero are basically the same thing, right?  But that's not the point and neither is the fact Verlander lost, because I don't give a shit about that.  What I do give a shit about is that Kate Upton is an absolute ride or die chick and Verlander is a lucky, lucky guy.  That's what I want in a woman.  Someone who will go on an absolute RAMPAGE if she feels I was wrong.  Even if I disagree and it makes us both look bad, who cares.  If you're not prepared to fire off extremely angry tweets defending your girl, and she's not prepared to do the same then what are you doing?  She ain't the one then.

A little more for your entertainment.  Don't say I don't care.



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So How About Drake Blatantly Telling Doris Burke To Come Over On ESPN Last Night?


POWER FUCKING MOVE.  Absolute power move, and a bit aggressive/creepy telling Doris to come have dinner at his place and to come alone.  Shooters shoot man, and Drake ain't shy about letting it fly.  Me personally?  I'm not a big Doris Burke guy.  She's fine and all, just doesn't really do it for me, but the whole internet and ESPN sucks her dick constantly.  Usually when she's calling a game I'd rather she wasn't.  But hey, good for Drake.  If there's anyone who can pull fairly attractive middle aged women, it's mixed Canadian rappers named Aubrey.  And if you're wondering how it worked out?  Doris had this to say on twitter last night.


So it would appear Drake and Doris are gonna fuck.  God bless you crazy kids!


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Syracuse Male Cheerleader Is Shocked By Something When He Looks Upskirt


A video posted by Barstool Sports (@barstoolsports) on


 I mean...wow.  I could go the easy lazy route and be all "This dude is gay because he's a male cheerleader and she didn't wear underwear and he's grossed out by vaginas!"  But I won't, because it's not that funny.  Instead I'll assume he's a straight guy who just has a lot of pep.  So what could possibly be going on down there to cause him to do that?  We have a couple reasonable options, but they are not for the faint of heart.

Possibility 1: No underwear and a LOT of hair.
Yeah, not a pretty picture.  Nobody likes hair all over vaginas, nobody normal anyway.  So if this was the case I could definitely see why he reacted the way he did.  It's just like an unwritten rule of society to keep it clean down there.  You want to keep some up above it?  Go for it, but that's all.

Possibility 2: No underwear and messed up vagina
I'll be honest, I have no idea what that would look like.  I'll let you use your imagination on that one.

Possibility 3: Weird underwear
Probably not granny panties because I don't think a cheerleader would wear that, and it'd be very noticeable with the skirts, but it's still possible.  Some weird ass underwear, maybe crotchless panties?  That'd explain the shock, but I'd expect a different kind of shock?  Maybe he's never seen them before?  I don't fucking know.

Possibility 4: She Farted
Nobody likes girl farts.  Mostly because they don't exist, buuuut supposedly they happen.  So maybe this guy was going through life believing girls don't fart and that chick just ripped ass and just rocked his world.  If this is the case I feel for him, nobody should have to go through a trauma like that.

Possibility 5: Period
Yeah, I know it's disgusting and I'm sorry.  But this is the most likely scenario right?  Dude looks up and that's what he sees, that would DEFINITELY cause that reaction.  Not sure why he would double take and stare even harder, you think most people would look away.  Then again, some things are so horrifying you can't look away.  If that's the case this dude needs to buy maxi pads in bulk and give them to her next cheer practice, make sure she gets the hint and it never happens again.  Sure it seems crass, but desperate times call for desperate measures.


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Steph Curry, Jimmy Butler, Dave Chappelle, and Drake Freaking Out at a David Blaine Magic Trick is One of the Greatest Videos Out There



A little late because I had school stuff, but this video is awesome.  Watching these dudes lose their minds as Blaine spits out frogs was A+ stuff.  He just kept em coming too.  I have no idea how David Blaine literally kept frogs in his throat or whatever but it made for a damn funny video.  Not that frog puking is funny, the reactions were.  There's a reason why the black people watching magic stereotype exists, and I'm glad it does.  Every time they went "OOHHHH" and freaked the hell out I laughed.  I wish I was there, I would've been doing it right along side of them.  Instead I'm just sitting here laughing at it and just being generally un-phased by the trick itself in my boring white way.
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Thursday, November 10, 2016

Watch This Lady Kill It On The Dance Cam During Last Night's Warrior Game

I love this lady.  Love her.  Absolutely electric.  I was watching the game last night and late in the first quarter it went to break, and on league pass during commercial breaks you get the jumbotron feed.  So when the dance cam came up I was expecting the usual corny white folks dancing off rhythm and whatnot.  You know, the uge.  But when the camera flipped to this lady I was mesmerized.  Never have I seen a creature move with such grace and dignity.  She was in the fucking ZONE.  It made me want to dance.  The way she just cut loose looked so freeing.  I want to live like dance cam lady.  I want to dance like no ones watching when 20,000 people plus however many were watching the game on league pass (both the Dallas feed and the GS feed would have seen her) were in fact watching.  She is now my motivation.  From now on I too shall live carefree like this magnificent woman.  I can almost guarantee you I won't, but goddamn do I want to.  God bless dance cam lady.  God bless us all.



via GIPHY

Beautiful.



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