Falcons Ask OSU CB (and current draft prospect) Eli Apple if He's Gay
Falcons assistant coach Marquand Manuel was interviewing Eli Apple at the combine, so naturally he asked Apple if he was gay. Seems a little out of left field, though Apple did play for Urban Meyer at Ohio State and Urbs has coached a murderer (Aaron Hernandez) and also Tim Tebow, who I'm not so sure isn't gay. Pretty wild, I guess he was just looking to see how Apple would react, but still. I don't ask people I just met if they "like men." It's 2016 brah, have some respect.
Peyton Manning (finally officially) Retires
This was broke yesterday if I'm not mistaken (I could very well be mistaken). We all saw it coming, there was zero chance he could even step on the field and not just literally fall apart next year if he did come back. So, I guess congrats to Pey Pey on a great career, and on being a surefire top 5 qb of all time. Now go play golf, collect mad royalty checks, maybe get some more sponsorships, and try not to sexually assault anyone else.
UNC Gets Revenge On Duke
Yes, Carolina gutted out a 76-72 win in Cameron Indoor to lock up their first ACC regular season title since 2012. Went wire to wire too, they never trailed, hopefully now they can win the ACC tourney and roll through the NCAA tournament for title number 7. But enjoy the highlight of the game:
And also, you may be old, and really piss me off sometimes, but Roy Williams, you are still king of locker room celleys.
Saturday was definitely a #GDTBATH
Conference Tournaments Have Begun, Some Wild Finishes Already + RETURN OF DUNK CITY!
If you don't have a calendar, or a brain, it's March already. So you know what that means right? Correct, Madness, mayhem, cursing mid majors who at 1 on Thursday the third week of March fuck your bracket all up, buzzer beaters, and a whole lotta basketball. And after weekend uno of the month, much less weekend one of the big dance, we are off to an A+ start. First off Wes Washpun of Northern Iowa get's the bounce at the horn to win the OVC tournament for a second year in row.
FGCU Played Stetson for the A-Sun title Sunday, with a weird twist. Since Stetson is ineligible for postseason play, yet the A-Sun let them play in the conference tournament for some reason, if they would have beaten FGCU then regular season champ North Florida would've went to the tournament instead. FGCU beat UNF by 33 in the semi final, and UNF was a team I liked to possibly ruin a power conference schools day on Thursday/Friday that first week, but FGCU killed them and now they're back for the first time since 2013 where they made it to the Sweet 16 as a 15 seed. But first they started the game with one of the best hats in the known world:
@BarstoolBigCat all time top 10 hat in Fort Myers pic.twitter.com/xbUUbFrQJF— Fake Rod Carey (@FauxRodCarey) March 7, 2016
And ended the game with a monstrous block in OT:
I'm not sure how good the Dunk City/FGCU Eagles are this year, or if they still have the ability to dunk all over the world, but I'll probably pick them to win a game or two.
And finally, in a Southland Conference game between Incarnate Word and Houston Baptist, Shawn Johnson of Incarnate Word absolutely murdered a player on Houston Baptist then hung around for a ride:
And the kid who got dunked on: why on Earth are you laughing? What's funny about having a man dunk you into oblivion then rubbing his dick on the back of your neck? I probably would've quit sports and went into hiding if I were him. Disgraceful.
Lakers Whoop Warriors In LA Sunday
Yeah, yeah, I know. It was horrible, the Lakers played by far their best game all year, and the Warriors played as bad as they did against Portland a few weeks ago. It sucked, they sucked, people losing their minds over it because they're jealous of a team who became an unstoppable force of nature the right way (aka not by signing a bunch of superstars to mega deals) and are the most entertaining and fun team of all time lead by a star who's not an egotistical dickhead sucked. It was one great big suckfest in LA. I'm thinking the dubs just overlooked the Lakers and had a bit too much fun Saturday night in Los Angeles, and Kobe had the Lakers doing workouts at 3 am in preparation. And he also did this:
Overall bad, bad Sunday afternoon.
Miami Heat Do It Best
Yeah two things coming outta Miami this weekend. First off we have a mom in a baby race with her rack very nearly coming outta her shirt. Just boobs swanging every which way all over the place in American Airlines Arena:
And the ultimate highlight was the Heat mascot, Bernie, attempting the front flip over 10 other mascots and winds up destroying the balls of the last 3:
No more dicks for those suckers. Best part may be the fact that the face of the costumes are all smiling while they're lying on the court writhing in pain, grabbing their nuts which have just been annihilated. And also Burnie celebrating after not actually succeeding at flipping over all the mascots. Just gold from Miami this weekend.
So that's this week's weekend rewind, hope you enjoyed this, as well as your weekend.
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