Saturday, April 30, 2016

2016 NBA Playoff Predictions: Conference Semi-Finals

I won't have Toronto/Indiana v Charlotte/Miami because obviously no one has even advanced yet.

WESTERN CONFERENCE


(1) Golden State Warriors v (5) Portland Trail Blazers


Pick: Warriors in 6
Why?: Obviously no Steph Curry until probably game 3 or 4 or 5 hurts but I dont think it hurts the Warriors here as much as people think. Sean Livingston is a really good defender and will do a better job on Damian Lillard than Steph would. Obviously Dame is going to get his, but I don't see this being a huge challenge for the Warriors. And I know, I know, Portland beat them by 32 in Portland this year. But the Warriors won the other 3 games, AND in that game the Warriors turned it over 20 times (13 in the 3rd quarter) and Portland shot 54% and 57% from 3. So unless you believe in your heart of hearts Portland will do that 4 times Golden State will win this series and Steph should be back in time to find a rythm.

(2) San Antonio Spurs v (3) Oklahoma City Thunder


Pick: Spurs in 7
Why: Obviously everyone is expecting a great series here. 2 of the 4 best teams in the NBA going at it. I don't have much on this series though as everyone knows how good both these teams are. I will say this though, it may not go 7 games if all are really close because the Thunder struggle late in games. The Spurs defense is so good that the "give the ball to KD every time and let him iso" won't work all that well, and it doesn't against other teams anyway. So that's all that could keep what should be a great series from going 7 games.


EASTERN CONFERENCE 


(1) Cleveland Cavaliers v (4) Atlanta Hawks


Pick: Cavs in 5
Why: I'd love for the Hawks to make this a series, but they have nobody who can even slow LeBron down. It's tough to make him shoot jumpers he can never hit when he can get to the rim at will. The Haeks were better last year, and had home court, and the Cavs swept them in the East finals without Kevin Love and Kyrie in a limited role. So I just don't see Cleveland having a lot of difficulty in this series.

Friday, April 29, 2016

Phil Jackson Is A Lunatic And The Knicks Are Still A Mess


We'll start with this.  Phil Jackson saying that some of the Knicks best games were played without Carmelo Anthony.  I've said before I am over Melo and wouldn't care if he was traded away (as long as they actually get value back) but this is perhaps the craziest thing I have ever heard.  Phil saying that some of the Knicks best games were without Carmelo Anthony, though they didn't win ANY of the 10 or 11 games without him.  Hey Zen Master, I have 32 games that were better and they were all with Melo.  Any loss isn't as good a game as win.  A loss where you played well isn't better than a win when you played poorly. You still lost, I don't care how you spin it, it's not better than actually winning.  If they Knicks ever went 60-22 and all 60 wins were ugly, but they played amazing in the 22 losses, nobody is going to say that the 22 losses were in any way better.  This is downright insane, love or hate Melo the Knicks suck without him no matter what Phillip tells you.

via ESPNCarmelo Anthony thinks Tom Thibodeau would have accepted the Knicks' head-coaching job if it were offered him. "I'm pretty sure in Thibodeau's situation, I'm pretty sure he wanted to come (to New York)," Anthony told ESPN. "He waited a while to see if there was gonna be an opportunity. It didn't happen."

Woah, woah, woah.  Let's reign it in a little bit Melo.  Maybe there's a chance Thibs wanted to coach New York, but I guarantee that Minnesota job was easily number one on his list.  Does he want to coach a young, promising, talented team that could be a title contender shortly?  Or would he rather coach a team in a perpetual cycle of mediocrity with a roster whose ceiling it perennial 8 seed in the East in a city where the fans and media will likely chase him out in a few years?  Real tough call.   Gosh, that second option sure sounds pretty good.  And also apparently the Knicks thought they didn't need to offer him the head coach/front office combo like Minnesota did?  After what the Chicago front office did to him last year?  This team is run by IDIOTS, bunch of goddamn fools.  How can you be so arrogant when you haven't been a contender in 20 years and haven't won a damn thing in 45?  Do a little research for me one time, and stop acting like everyone is still drooling of the "opportunity" to come to New York.  How many superstars have you signed in free agency the past 15 years?  Amare?  That didn't bomb.  And James Dolan doesn't care.  He's still worth billions of dollars so why would he care about the Knicks being good as long as people keep going to the Garden to watch this shitshow?  As long as he can keep rolling in the dough and laughing his way to the bank playing his damn kazoo or whatever the fuck he plays.



It's the kazoo guys.  Anyway now that I've gotten off topic and actually lost it with the incompetence of this franchise, all I can say is they better hire a decent coach (see: Luke Walton or David Blatt), ditch the triangle, try and get some draft picks, sign some decent players in free agency, and just stop being an embarrassment.  And I swear to God if Phil hires Kurt Rambis to be the full-time head coach I will make my way to New York and piss all over Phil's office.  Maybe I'll even shit in one of his desk drawers if I should feel so inclined.


Like this post?  Share it!  If you don't share it you're worse than the Knicks as a whole.

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Kings Fans Line Up Down The Block For The New Logo Tattoo

http://www.foxsports.com/nba/story/sacramento-kings-logo-free-tattoos-fans-line-up-042716

Remember yesterday when I said anyone who would get a free tattoo of the Kings new logo is an absolute clown?





Turns out Sacramento is a town full of IDIOTS.  If you are from Sacramento you live in a place full of losers and chumps.  Getting a tat of your favorite team is pretty lame in general, but to wait in a big ass line for one is patently ridiculous.  I don't care if it's free, it's absurd.  And the guy in the last tweet PAID for his!!  He paid actual money for something he for some reason couldn't find the time to get for free!  He paid money for something he shouldn't have gotten at all!  Even for free!  What a moron!  Anyway, here's how any conversation regarding that tat will go down:

"Hey what's that tat?"
"Oh it's the Kings logo.  Got it for free when they unveiled it.  NO BIG DEAL."
"But they suck, why would you get a tattoo of a team that sucks so much?"
"But...but..it was free...and..new...."

Notice how the person with the tattoo comes of as a complete idiot?  Because they are.  Now I'm not mad at Sacramento (just disappointed) it's their lives, their bodies, their decision.  I'm just saying that doing this is laugh out loud stupid.  That should be a new question on job or college applications.  "Have you ever gotten a free tattoo of a team's new logo?"  If they check yes you know that they are a new level of stupid and there's no need to accept them or offer them employment.  All in all, Sacramento may be the new dumbest place in America.  You may not be able to get season tickets, but at least you have that dank ass tat for the rest of your existence!

Like this post?  Share it!  Not sharing it would be dumber than your average Kings fan.


Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Andrew Luck Has Started A Book Club

http://espn.go.com/nfl/story/_/id/15352050/andrew-luck-indianapolis-colts-launches-book-club

Have you always wanted to be in a book club?  Well how about being in a book club ran by a former Stanford nerd who looks like a neanderthal, has a weird ass voice, and is currently maybe the most overrated quarterback in the NFL?  Well, then the Andrew Luck book club is for you!  How did this come about you ask?  I'll let Luck explain that.

"I've been called the unofficial librarian of the Colts, which is kind of cheesy," Luck said. "But the truth is that I love to read both fiction and nonfiction and I feel strongly about the power of reading. So I thought, 'Why not start a real book club?'"

Definitely something that every rational person thinks.  The best part is that he split it into categories, rookies and veterans.  Rookies is books he read as a kid, and veteran is, you guessed it, books he read as an adult!  I don't know if I can handle all the ALBC (that's the Andrew Luck Book Club for you lame-0s who aren't cool enough for the club) is throwing at me.  The first books are "Maniac Magee" for the rookies, an all time classic that you read when you're in 5th grade then prob never again.  The Veterans get to indulge themselves with "Boys in a Boat."  Never read it, honestly never heard of it, but I bet it kicks ass!  So instead of Andrew Luck only giving books to his teammates, he's sharing his books with the world.  ALBC could be what takes Luck to that next level every NFL expert is predicting him to reach every year since his rookie year.  Real game changer.


PS-  Way to dig deep for that book club name Andrew.  Were all the good book club names taken?  I mean you're Stanford grad who couldn't come up with anything better than the Andrew Luck Book Club?  It's both funny and a letdown.  I'd call it "Turn the page."  Or since where talking about Andy Luck "Turnover the page!"  (pretend there was a rimshot after that one)  I'd be all in for Turnover the Page.

Here's the link to the ALBC site if you're sincerely interested: http://www.andrewluckbookclub.com 

Like this post?  Share it!  Not sharing it would be bigger slap in the face than making fun of a man's book club.

Sacramento Kings Unveil New Logo And With it, the Chance to Get It Tattooed on Yourself!

http://bleacherreport.com/articles/2635926-sacramento-kings-will-pay-fans-to-get-tattoos-of-their-new-logo



Sacramento unveiled their new logo earlier this week.  (Yesterday I think.)  Here it is:



And to get Sac-town hyped up for it their offering a once in a life time chance to get the new logo tattooed for free!!  Celebrate this embarrassing clusterfuck of a franchise by getting it's brand spanking new logo drawn PERMANENTLY on yourself!  Where it will be FOREVER!

Real conversation from the Sacramento Kings marketing board:

"How do we get the people excited for the new logos?"

"The team could win a few games.  Maybe make the playoffs?  Or at least come close."

"Jim.  C'mon Jim.  Let's be realistic now.  Rational, people, let's think rationally."

"Well, our key demographic is 15-35 right?"

"Yes."

"Well, people in that age group all love one thing."

"What's that?"

"Tattoos!"

"Go on..."

"We could offer people the chance to get the logos tattooed on themselves for free."

"BRILLIANT!  Now THIS is how we get our fans excited!  Nobody ever regrets sports tattoos, or free tattoos!  Mark, keep up the good work!  Jim!  You're an idiot."  *under breath* "Win basketball games.  Who does he think he works for?"

Look, this is the WORST idea of all time.  I like the new logo, but getting it tattooed is insane.  I don't care if you're from Sacramento.  I don't care if you're the biggest diehard Kings fan in the world.  I don't care if you're blackout drunk and you think it'd be funny.  If you get a tattoo of the Kings' new logo, or any logo involving the Kings, you are an absolute CLOWN.  And not clown in a good way, like you're hilarious.  Clown like you're a goddamn idiot.  Awful Sacramento, just awful.


Like this post?  Share it!  Sharing it would be as smart as never getting a Kings tat.

2016 NHL Playoff Predictions: Conference Semifinals

Disclaimer: The second round starts tomorrow, and Anaheim-Nashville is playing their game 7, so I don't know how the NHL fucked that up, but I'll do my best on San Jose v Anaheim/Nashville

Eastern Conference

(1) Washington Capitals v (2) Pittsburgh Penguins

Pick: Penguins in 7
Why?: Both teams are really good, and have guys who were both on top of the league 5-10 years ago and are still two of the best in the game in Ovechkin and Crosby.  Maybe I thought the Rangers were better than they are or the Fliers were worse than they are, but Pittsburgh impressed me winning in 5 and killing New York in most of their wins, and Washington fell off after game 3.  Even their series clinching win in game 6 wasn't that impressive, they won 2-0 but should've won 6-0.  Both teams under their superstars also have a history of almost never living up to their expectations, so another point for Pittsburgh.  I don't think either team is winning the Cup, but I'm going to take the Pens to win the series.

(2) Tampa Bay Lightning v (WC) New York Islanders

Pick: Isles in 6
Why?: Tampa made the Stanley Cup final last year, they handled Detroit in 5, yet they have some injuries, most notably to Steven Stamkos.  I loved the Islanders series vs the Panthers.  They weren't always the most impressive, but it feels like this team is going to make a run to at least the East Finals, so I think the magic continues for the Islanders.


Western Conference

(1) Dallas Stars v (2) St. Louis Blues

Pick: Stars in 6
Why?: I feel like Dallas is a lot like Chicago, but better this year.  They have incredible offense, their defense can be a let down though.  The Wild fought hard, but St. Louis is a lot better than Minnesota. I was wrong picking the Blackhawks to repeat (sorry, not a hockey expert if you couldn't tell) and with a guy like Vladimir Tarasenko on St. Louis, the Dallas D has to step up or it's upset city.  I think they win though and Dallas is my new pick to win.  (If Chicago won I was going to say winner of Dallas v Chicago wins the Cup.  Picking multiple teams is just good journalism.)

(3) San Jose Sharks v (1) Anaheim Ducks/(WC) Nashville Predators

Pick: (if SJ vs ANA) Ducks in 7 (if SJ v Nash) Sharks in 6
Why?: I watched the first two games of ANA v Nashville and the Ducks SUCKED.  Since then they've played like a real one seed, but they lost yesterday with a chance to win the series.  If they win, which I think they will, I think they beat the Sharks in game 7 of what should be a great series.  If San Jose plays the Preds I think the Sharks take it in 6.  They dominated LA, absolutely killed them.  I think the Ducks have a much better chance to beat the Sharks, and once again if it's Nashville, you don't fuck with sharks.  You just don't.

Deflate Gate Is Back/Was Never Actually Over

http://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2016/04/25/nfl-wins-deflategate-appeal-tom-brady-suspension-back-on/


So apparently the NFL won an appeal and Brady's 4-game suspension that will be this year instead of last year unless he appeals and wins again.  So, cool?  Thought this was all over but I guess not.


Like this post?  Share it!


Monday, April 25, 2016

Byron Scott Fired As Lakers Head Coach

http://espn.go.com/nba/story/_/id/15317976/los-angeles-lakers-byron-scott-another-franchise-worst-season

Forgot to put this in the rewind.  Is this a surprise to anyone?  Even the biggest Byron Scott fan in the world knew this was coming.  Magic, your thoughts?


I would disagree on the great coach part.  I know his teams sucked and he had to try and get Kobe out the door, but back to back worst seasons in franchise history doesn't really happen to great coaches.  Great coaches don't bench their young cornerstones and play them inconsistently when there's nothing else to play for or build on.  That's actually what a moron would do.  I know he had his reasons, but when you're coaching a garbage team and the most important thing is helping the young guys get better and experience, there's better ways to handle things.  So the Lakers will probably win the lottery because they're the Lakers, and they'll have a better head coach so congrats?  I guess?  They'll probably still suck for a while, but who knows?  It's the Lakers after all.


PS- How about Magic having ONLY 4 likes on Twitter?



First like being your own tweet is power move of the century is it not?  "I've never liked a tweet enough to hit the (then star) heart, except my own."  25% of Magic's likes are his own tweets.  Magic Johnson twitter never ceases to amaze me.

Like this post?  Share it!  Sharing it would be as smart as firing Byron Scott.


Weekend Rewind 4/22-24

Pretty busy weekend in sports so without further adieu let's get into it.

Warriors Annihilate Rockets in Game 4, lose Curry for 2 Weeks

Yeah.  The first half sucked from a Warriors perspective, Houston couldn't miss and right at the end of the half this happened:



They said today that there was no tears in the MRI and it's a grade 1 MCL sprain and he'll be reevaluated in 2 weeks, which would put them in the middle of a series against the Clippers.  So that sucks.  I blame the Rockets and their mop boys even though it's not really their fault I just need to blame someone for this.  I thought my days of watching Steph battle injuries every time he stepped on the court were mostly over, but I guess not. Aand for this to happen in the playoffs playing this shitty Houston team is brutal.  Sorry if you're a Houston fan, but they suck.  Back to the game, without Curry the Dubs caught fire in the second half and outscored Houston 65-38.  It was tied at 56 at halftime.  So Golden State went on to win 121-94 and hit an NBA playoff game record 21 3s, but hopefully the MVP can come back and they can hold their own without him vs LA.  Here's Magic Johnson's thoughts on the game.

And here's the 3rd quarter where GS outscored HOU 41-20.

LeBron and the Cavaliers Sweep Detroit

Big bad LeBron done did it!  He swept the 8 seed!  Only two more series to go before losing in the finals!  Magic series recap, GO!

So simple, yet so eloquent.  How does Magic not have his own show?  ESPN will let anyone on tv if they have prior experience playing either professionally or major division 1.  Anyway, Cavs won 100-98 and Detroit had a shot to win but Reggie Jackson tried to draw a foul that wasn't there and blew it.  He's an idiot.  He had an open look for 3 after he was over-dribbling with Kyrie on him (who gives up once you start to get by him) but he leaned sideways into Kyrie and just threw up a bad shot and they lost.  The man leaned SIDEWAYS.  He cost his team game 1 with horrible possessions and shots late in the game.  There's a point where you have to understand you're Reggie Jackson.  Not LeBron, not Steph, not Harden, not Kobe, not Melo, not Wade, not KD, you're Reggie Jackson.  You're not going to get those calls, that's how the NBA works.  I'm sad to see this one end because 3 of the 4 games were close and competitive, and I would have loved to see what LeBron would've done if his team was the first to blow a 3-0 series lead.  But I'll have to wait.

Other News and Notes from the NBA Playoffs

The Spurs completed their sweep of the depleted Grizzlies and it brought Memphis head man Dave Joegor to tears.



Brutal season for him, lost so many guys to injury and they fought hard, the Spurs were just way, way, waayyyy too good.  Now the grit and grind area in Memphis may end this offseason.

The Blazers beat LA to make the series 2-1, and Charlotte used a huge 3rd quarter run to destroy Miami and also bring their series to 2-1.



Boston fought back and evened their series with Atlanta at 2 games each behind some big shots from Isiah Thomas.  And after Sunday's win his kids stole the show:



Cute kids Isiah.  Not seeing the purpose of this PR move though since people seem to like you?  Clearly you told these kids what to say beforehand.  Sorry if you disagree but I speak one language and that language is #factsonly.

Toronto was punked by Indiana in game 4 Saturday, which surprised me.  Lowry and DeRozan both went back to playing about as well as a bag of wet dog shit.  Finally, however, it appears not only Charlie Villanueva, but the entire city of Dallas wants to be on Russell Westbrook's bad side as one fan heckled him to the point where Russ said this:


I would imagine it probably takes very little heckling to get that reaction out of Westbrook.  The guy probably wished him good luck and Russ took it the wrong way.  His emotions run so high that as I'm writing this take jokingly I actually don't think I'm exaggerating.  I have no idea what he said as that was conveniently not in the video, but again it wouldn't surprise me if he said something completely harmless to him.  And people who think Russ should be suspended or have some kind of penalty are insane.  He was fined $25k for yelling "fuck you" to a fan, and what he said was over no line.  Oh what he said a swear?  Big deal.  Did it hurt you?  Are your ears bleeding?  Did you lose sleep because of it?  If you answered yes to any of those questions then I suggest you curl up in your safe space and never leave it because you're not cut out for the real world.  Honestly if you have a problem with Russ telling that guy to "Sit next to your wife and shut the fuck up" I'm not sure you have a place in society.  It wasn't degrading, it was nothing.  This guy just wants his 15 minutes of fame.  Just wants to be able to tell people "Yeah I'm the guy Westbrook told to shut the fuck up."  And one last thing from that game, Kevin Durant was fined $15k for this:


Quick NHL Playoff Recap:

The Sharks beat the Kings to win their series 4-1, the Penguins dominated the Rangers to also win in 5 games, and the Caps beat Philly in game 6 to win their series.  The Stars survived a late rally by the Wild in game 6 to win the series and the Islanders beat Florida in double OT to win the series 4-2.


The Blackhawks won game 6 to force game 7 tonight, and the Ducks won their third in a row to take the series lead from Nashville at 3-2 with a chance to close it out tonight.

FOOTBALL!!!!!

No draft news from this guy.  I don't know how much I'll do at all on the draft.  There's just way too many guys in the NFL as it is and even more college football guys.  I don't even know the team needs for all the teams.  I know the Packers very well, but my draft projections and recap would be about as insightful as my hockey predictions or baseball too.  I just lose track of all the players in the NFL and am too lazy to look into them more and see how good they are, etc.  But there was other news in the league.  

The Redskins signed Josh Norman.  He demanded a LOT of money from Carolina and they didn't give it too him.  Washington, never afraid to overspend, gave Norman a 5 year/$75 million deal.  Remember when they gave Vince Wilfork $100 million? Remember how well that worked out?  Yeah, Norman had a great year last year, but if memory serves me correctly he was Carolina's third or fourth corner heading into the year and got a chance due to injuries to the guys ahead of him.  So if I was gonna give a guy $15 mil a year I'd want maybe a bigger sample size.  That too crazy?  Assuming Norman continues to be a dominant corner, and not a flash in the pan, I do like the move.  You go up against Dallas and the Giants twice a year it's best to have a guy that can cover Dez Bryant and Odell Beckham Jr.  Also I hope the Giants-Skins games are on national tv now so we can see more Norman-OBJ cage matches like the one last fall.  I know Washington has a decent front 7 so, this move allows them to add other pieces in the draft as they look to defend their NFC East crown.  Maybe even have a winning record this year.

Finally, my man Johnny Football was indicted by a grand jury in his misdemeanor assault case.  So soon we'll find out moe about what's going to happen to Manziel going forward.  It already looks like he won't be on a roster this year as he's been dropped by two agents and is seen partying almost every day.  I stopped writing about him because worse things kept happening every time I did, and as he hasn't had any major fuck-ups since, he certainly hasn't gotten any better.  It's a shame because he had the potential to be a dynamic quarterback.  But either Johnny has some severe mental problems that won't allow him to get better, or he just truly doesn't care one bit.  Either way it doesn't matter how many endorsements from Von Miller you get, if you want to be an NFL player at some point you gotta trade beer runs for wind sprints.  You gotta hit the gym instead of the bar.  Instead of hitting lines you gotta maybe throw a football a few times?  I mean even an Uncle Rico video would help Johnny at this point.  He puts that up on his Instagram and maybe some teams start to think maybe he's starting to care about football again.

Big Soccer News

I don't think I've ever done anything on soccer on here.  I actually like watching soccer, it's not that boring.  But Leicester City, who were huge underdogs to win the English Premier League (we're talking 5000-1 odds) beat Swansea City 4-0 Sunday to move 8 points up on second place Tottenham.  This means if they beat Manchester United on Sunday they win the League and whoever bet they would gets rich.  That game is at 8:05 am central if you're interested.

That's all I got, hope you enjoyed your weekend we'll do this again next Monday.


Like this post?  Share it!  Share it with everyone!

Thursday, April 21, 2016

Tom Thibodeau To Be Next Head Coach of The (Soon To Be NBA Champion) Minnesota Timberwolves. And Wizards Hire Scott Brooks

Two big hires in the Association the last two days.  First off the Timberwolves take another step forward by hiring Tom Thibodeau as their next head coach, as well as president of basketball operations.  The other hire was the Wizards hiring former Thunder head man Scott Brooks.  Let's start with Thibs.

Timberwolves Hire Thibodeau


Love this move by Minnesota.  They have a great, and I mean GREAT, young core and they hired a man who took the Bulls to 60 wins in 2011 and just won a lot in Chicago.  Known as one of the best defensive coaches in the business he gets to coach two young guys with superstar potential in Andrew Wiggins and Karl Towns, who by the way are already pretty damn good defenders.  They'll likely have another top 5 pick in the draft, so a chance to add another potential star or trade for some solid veteran role guys.  Add in free agency with the cap bump and they have a good chance to lure some vets to bolster that roster and mentor the young studs that way.  The biggest problem Thibs has is overplaying guys.  In Chicago he played his starters BIG minutes and frequently played veterans over young guys looking to prove the can play.  If he can distribute minutes and trust young guys, knowing they'll make mistakes, that'll go a long way for him and the Wolves.  Things are looking way up for the Timberwolves and it won't be long before they're annually challenging for titles.

Wizards Hire Scott Brooks


The Wizards hired Scott Brooks today and as expected people were assuming it was just to try and entice Kevin Durant to come home this summer.  It may be, but lets not forget Brooks is a hell of a coach, so that could be why they hired him.  Put the end of game iso-ball he ran with the Thunder that never worked.  He was the coach of a young Thunder team that guided them into being a monster nobody wanted to play.  They were always a threat to win 60 when healthy.  The last time they were fully healthy in the playoffs under Brooks they made the Finals, before losing to the Heat.  KD didn't want Brooks to be fired last summer, he and Brooks were close.  I don't think just Brooks would be enough to get KD in a Wizards uni though.  One big thing Brooks did was help Russell Westbrook develop.  He let him play his game, his aggressive, unrelenting, 10000 mph game.  The Wizards have a young super-athletic point guard in John Wall who is a lot like Westbrook in his skill set.  I think Brooks can help Wall take his game to the next level.  So even if they don't get Durant, I think this move is good for the future of Washington.  They still need a lot of improvement in the front-court and for Bradley Beal to find a way to stay healthy, but hiring Brooks is a good start.


Like this post?  Share it!

Canadian High School Basketball Star is Actually 30 Year Old Man

http://www.cbssports.com/collegebasketball/eye-on-college-basketball/25562230/surprise-dominant-6-9-high-school-basketball-player-actually-30-years-old




You're telling me that that man is in fact 30 and NOT 17?  Whaaaaaaat?  Noooooooo.  If you told me to ask that guys age I probably would've thought he was a freshman, I don't know how old he actually looks but it's definitely not his mid 40s.  This guy fled South Sudan, wound up in Canada, somehow enrolled in high school as a junior and started playing basketball and nobody bothered to look into it??  Get your shit together Canada.  How does this even happen?


Oh, makes more sense now.  But the biggest question is, if they caught this guy how'd they miss Greg Oden?


Man was 45 at least.  Unbelievable.


PS- how much does it suck to be this kid?




Like this post?  Share it!  Not sharing it would be lazier than Canadian Immigrant Services.



Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Charlie Villanueva Has A Death Wish

So on Monday before the Thunder Mavericks game this happened:



The Mavs won that game 85-84 after Russ looked like he was going to murder the next Maverick that interrupted his pre-game dance with Cameron Payne.  Now Russ and Payne always do this, and where a lot of dancing is sweet, their dances are always outrageous to me.  I'm not saying they're bad dancers per se, but their pre-game dances they do are bad.  But anyway, Villanueva who I always forget still get's paid to play basketball, just casually walks in the middle the dance.  Russ was ready to put his fist through Charlie's face.  If you thought that wasn't bad enough here's what he said yesterday: (via: http://espn.go.com/nba/story/_/id/15276462/go-nightclub-dance)

"If you want to go dancing and stuff like that, go to a nightclub," Villanueva said on a Fox Pro Cast video he filmed. "Go to a club and dance. Go to 'Dancing With the Stars' and be a dancer. You want to battle and dance, we can battle, but not in a basketball game. Plus, they were in my way, too, so I wasn't necessarily interrupting their dance."

In a blog post, Villanueva added: "Now listen, I'm all for pregame hype and rituals. I do them myself all the time. BUT bro, when your pregame routine starts off with '5-6-7-8' that's just too much. I wasn't feeling all that right in front of me. Take that to the nightclub or to your side of the court. All due respect, but aaaah."

Think Russ didn't care?  Here's what he said about it:

"That's for the guys who don't play," Westbrook said. "You've gotta do something."

And Villanueva just comes back and put's Westbrook's take and Cameron Payne in a body bag:

"I heard Russell Westbrook say that's for the guys who don't play, and I don't necessarily know who he's talking about because Cameron Payne and myself, we both had the same stat line."  

In the words of Twitter: "BRUH *fire emoji, fire emoji, fire emoji, skull emoji, skull emoji, crying emoji, crying emoji, laughing with tears emoji* dying fam."

But back to reality, I know Dallas won game 2 (by a point after the OKC game winner was waved off), BUT you lost by 38 in game 1, and game 2 KD shot 7/33 and Russ was 8/22.  Odds of both of them being that terrible again are slim, and now Westbrook is probably going to go off and maybe break a couple backboards in Dallas.  If he doesn't, but Villanueva keeps fucking with him and talking shit I guarantee Westbrook murders him, might even do it during the game.  You don't mess with sociopaths and as talented as Russ is he definitely gives off a "could go on a killing spree if you push him far enough" vibe.


Like this post?  Share it!  Not sharing it would be dumber than talking shit about Russell Westbrook.

Lionel Messi Had To Block Brazil Miss BumBum Because She Was Taking Too Many Ass Shots In Messi Gear

http://latino.foxnews.com/latino/lifestyle/2016/04/19/shoots-doesnt-score-messi-blocks-miss-bumbum-on-instagram/







First off, hats off to Messi for this even being a story.  Sick brag bro, you have this super hot Brazilian chick posting these in your honor because she and her award winning ass wants to have sex with you.  Gotta let everyone know that you had to block a girl from continuing to try and get you to bang her because your super hot wife made you.  You just couldn't smash Miss BumBum, a woman who won an award for having a great ass in a country known for great asses.  You may be the best soccer player ever, but Ronaldo 100% would sex this bitch right?  He's married to someone super hot but he seems like the kind of guy who would sleep around, ESPECIALLY with Miss BumBum here.  So sick brag on two fronts here with Messi, one he could totally bang Miss BumBum, and two he's such a good guy that he'll let his wife block her and just won't.  We get it Messi, you're a great guy.  I don't know about you all but I don't have Miss BumBum knocking down my door but hey Miss Bum, if you're reading this (she's not) hit me the fuck up.  I'm not rich, not jacked, moderately attractive (in my humble opinion), and kinda funny (you guys can be the judge of that one), literally nothing sets me apart from the pack, but hey what's life without a little risk guaranteed disappointment.

Oh, and just in case you didn't read the article, how about Miss BumBum just passive-aggressively torching Messi's wife:

“I was completely shocked when I spotted it. If I could, I would tell her not to be worried about me – I’m just a fan. I’m surprised that she isn’t more sure of herself,” she said. “I guess it can only be because she is jealous. It’s very silly because I’m just a football fan and a huge fan of Barcelona. This is such an overreaction”
Cortez added, “I only follow about 10 people, and he was one of them. So when I saw that I was blocked I thought it could only be jealousy. Why would he block me if he has 40 million followers? Then I checked her profile and confirmed she had also blocked me.”

Shots fired at Miss Messi.  So insecure she had to have BumBum Cortez blocked!  Honestly what chick wouldn't do that move though?  Name one, you can't.  Guys too, if I'm dating someone and some guy is blasting sick ab pics and tagging her in it, or sending her dick pics or whatever the guy equivalent to this situation is, I'm trying to cut off her contact with that asshole.  And so are you, I don't care how chill you are.  Anyway, one final note, here's Messi's wife:





Poor Messi, can't have sex with Miss BumBum, he just has to keep having sex with his hot wife.


Like this post?  Share it!  If you don't share it I'll get Miss BumBum to call you out for being too insecure to share it.

The Kiss Cam Pizza Girl? Not That Great, Don't Let the Internet Fool You.



Look at this bitch.  Over here shoving her face with dominos.  Bitch over here double fisting pizza.  This bitch don't play Edward 40 hands, she plays Edward gluten-free with extra cheese hands.  This bitch mouth chewing that pizza like an absolute psychopath on a camera in front of 20,000 people.  How lucky was it that they caught this?  Not at all, and if you don't buy that this was staged then you my friend, are an absolute SUCKER.  All this move by the Hawks was to try and go viral with a kiss cam stunt, they plant that pretty girl there, gave her some za, and told her to wait for the kiss cam and eat that pizza as ridiculously as possible.  So in that sense, good job Pizza Girl.  Now every white girl on the damn planet can quote a tweet with this in it and tag a bunch of her friends that she tells you she hates and go "THIS IS US."  It's actually not even that funny, I think it's pretty disgusting actually.  She's pretty hot, but then you see her just slamming that pizza like she was a POW seeing her first real meal in 5 years.  Make that some fat slob sitting shirtless with his big ass gut and giant man tits just hanging out with the box sitting on said gut double fisting pizza behind some people making out and it's actually pretty damn funny.  Sill fake, but less forced and I'd probably laugh at it as the thought of that just in my own head right now amuses me.  Be better Hawks, and be better internet.


"Catches"  How'd they do it??



Puuuuuuke.


Like this post?  Share it!  If you don't share it you're lamer than Pizza Girl.

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Phil Jackson Is Going To Review the Triangle With Kurt Rambis and the Squad

http://espn.go.com/nba/story/_/id/15234554/phil-jackson-kurt-rambis-new-york-knicks-hold-player-meeting

I hate Phil Jackson.  I've said it before, the triangle is outdated and only works if you have Jordan/Kobe/Shaq.  Knicks don't have a guy like that, Melo is getting older and though he can score, he usually isn't very efficient in doing so.  But no, let's force it on the team when you're not even the head coach!  You're actually not even a coach at all!  You Phillip, are the President of Basketball Operations.  Either coach the damn team yourself or hire a good coach and let him implement his strategies, and just get players that fit's what he's trying to do.  Also I stand by trading some guys to get a high pick to take Jamal Murray and sign Hassan Whiteside, and look to improve the off guard spot.  Or you could follow the mistakes of this franchise's past and trade picks for has-beens, and keep going for quick fixes, and you can go ahead and keep forcing the triangle on the team when it hasn't really worked.  Maybe you can even make Rambis the permanent head coach when he's one of the worst head coaches in NBA history.  So you can listen to me and soon you'll have a title contender, or you can do your thing and the Knicks will maybe be challenging to be the perennial 8 seed soon.  But hey, choice is yours.


Like this post?  Share it!  Not sharing it would make you worse than Phil Jackson currently.

Baltimore Ravens Sign Trent Richardson

http://www.nfl.com/news/story/0ap3000000653708/article/baltimore-ravens-sign-trent-richardson

This isn't huge news, but how desperate does Baltimore want a running back if they're signing Trent Richardson?  Dude was so bad even the Browns AND the Raiders let him go and said he sucks.  Obviously they aren't bringing Ray Rice back after he beat his wife by TKO in an elevator, but can't you just wait and draft a guy?  Like Derrick Henry or that bellyshirt wearing jackass Zeke Elliot?  I'd even take the chance on resigning Ray Rice if I were them.  That's way better than Richardson.  Why would Baltimore be worried about public backlash?  They glorified Ray Lewis, a man who allegedly (likely) is a murderer.  But what do I know?  Here's what you're getting though Raven's fans:



Nice.  V solid pickup guys.

Like this post?  Share it!  Not sharing it would be worse than signing Trent Richardson.

Packers Update: Eddie Lacy Looking Shredded and Sam Barrington Manhandles Sharks

First a quick shoutout to Eddie Lacy for actually cutting weight/turning his gross fat into muscle.  Most recent look:




















Now people were all freaking out about this picture because of how huge Derrick Henry looks, but I don't care about him.  Not one bit.  Note Eddie just looking jacked as all hell in that long sleeve, and looking smarter than the average Alabama football player in those specs.  No big ass gut sticking out anymore, look out NFL Feast Mode is coming and this year he won't be feasting on Chinese and double quarter pounders, he'll be feasting on every defender in his path while he racks up yards.  I'm calling career year for Lacy in addition to a Packer Super Bowl.

Now for Sam Barrington.  Don't know the name?  Learn it.  Dude reels in 400 pound bull sharks as a hobby.  No running backs to concuss?  No big deal for Sam, he's just gonna go manhandle a big ass shark instead.  Here's a quote from an nfl.com story on it:

"Took about 45 minutes to get him in but it was worth it," Barrington wrote in the caption of his Instagram photo.
Fun fact: The bull shark is regarded by many experts as the most dangerous species of shark in the world. It is aggressive (bad), known to linger in shallow areas (double bad) and has the rare ability to swim in both salt and fresh water (triple bad). During the 1920s, a series of bull shark attacks along the Jersey Shore inspired author Peter Benchley to write Jaws."

Oh, just reeled in the most dangerous shark known to man for fun, no big deal guys.  I'm glad I have a shark wrangler on my team, bet you wish you had one on yours now don't ya?  Even more commendable?  He wrastled with that thing for 45 MINUTES.  That's commitment.  If I can't do something in less than 15 minutes I give up and decide it's probably not worth my time.  Here's a pic of Barrington and his shark:






Badass.  I couldn't imagine doing that.  You ask me to do anything involving close proximity to sharks I'm out.  I wouldn't survive a shark encounter, I'm not trying to put myself in any position to be chomped on by a giant shark.  I enjoy being alive and not mutilated thank you very much.  But all the more credit to Sam, dude likes a challenge and isn't afraid of maybe dying from it.  That's a guy every team needs.

Like this post?  Share it!  If you don't share it you'll be victim of a shark attack, even if you never come in contact with the ocean.

Monday, April 18, 2016

Weekend Rewind

It's the weekend rewind, running back some of the highlights (and lowlights) of the past weekend in sports and this one is all about the NHL and NBA playoffs.

There were 8 NBA playoff games, 3 of them were close.

Yeah, as excited as I was for the NBA playoffs I was left pretty disappointed.  Not a single game in the West was close. OKC beat Dallas by 38, the Clippers beat Portland by 20, the Heat beat the Hornets by 32, the Spurs beat Memphis by 32, and the Warriors beat Houston by 26.  Steph hurt his ankle and may miss tonights game so my sweep prediction may be spoiled, but he was dominate in the minutes he played Saturday and that's still a good sign going forward for the Dubs.  Patrick Beverley was doing some dirty/cheap shit as expected.  Exhibit A:




Locking up Steph's arm and not letting it go.  Remember when Kelly Olynyk did that to Kevin Love and ripped his arm out and people were calling for Olynyk's head?  But Beverley's just playing hard, hustling, being an irritant it's his game.  I don't hate Beverley, but I do think he's overrated.  He's the black Matthew Dellevadova to me.  They both lack a lot of skill, they play hard, and they do dirty tricky shit.  If you can make a career out of being an "irritant" I kinda respect that because you were able to sustain a career of playing basketball while sucking at basketball.  Aside from being an overrated defender Beverley can sometimes hit the open 3.  Same with Delly, good defender (not as good as people want you to believe) and can sometimes hit the 3, but Delly can also throw lobs to all his athletic teammates so he has that on Beverley.  Anyway that should continue to be a chippy series but even without Steph the Rockets' defense is so horrendous that they shouldn't lose.

Of the other blowouts only one surprised me, the Miami Charlotte game.  I thought all games in that one were going to be close, but Miami shut down Charlotte and lit them up on the other end.  Brutal showing from a team I expected a lot more from.  And one last note, Russell Westbrook's game 1 outfit:

If that's what he's rocking game 1 I can't wait to see what he's wearing the rest of the playoffs.  Maybe it's because I'm a white guy from Wisconsin, but this look is RIDICULOUS right?  I mean, right?  I get that it's his thing and a lot of what he wears is, but come on.  Russ has to be just trolling the world with this shit.  He wakes up and looks for the most ridiculous combination of clothes he can find and wears it and just waits for the reactions.  That has to be it.  Nobody throws that on and thinks, "Goddamn this looks good.  Like really really good, I'll wear this on national tv."  He's gotta be going, "I'm gonna wear this and watch all this suckers eat it up and think it's cool."  The rolled up pants and the bucket hat did it for me.  I can't imagine ever wearing that under any circumstance, let alone willingly.  But that's how confident this man is.  I respect that.

Now onto the close games and I'll start with the playoff opener, Toronto vs Indiana.  Toronto lead for most of the game, until late in the third quarter and all the fourth Paul George went OFF and the Raptors lost another game 1.  They've only won one game one in their franchise history and never in the first round.  Now we just have to see if they'll respond like a 56 win team should and beat the Pacers ass tonight, or if they'll do what they did last year and just lay down and die in embarrassing fashion.  My money is still on Raps in 6, but they have to find more offense.  If there's any silver lining it's that Kyle Lowry can't play worse than he did and they were still in the game until the last minute or so.

Atlanta and Boston I expected to be close.  But I didn't expect the Hawks to take a 17-point lead, and I then didn't expect them to blow the 17-point lead and still win.  So congrats to them, but I still think Boston will win the series.  Also the Hawks were going for a neon-out with their shirts.  I know they added that to their new color scheme, but I think they're late on neon.  I feel like neon has kinda passed at this point.  The Hawks were a good 3-4 years late in my opinion, but I'm not a fashion expert.  I am a college student/pretend sports expert.

Finally we have Cleveland and Detroit in what was a really good game, until the end when Cleveland won.  Reggie Jackson tried to go iso on K-Love and just sucked it up.  Two possessions in a row and twice he failed to score.  On Kevin Love.  1-on-1.  So that's embarrassing, but it looks like Detroit can actually make this a series which is good to see.  I want to see a rattled LeBron in round 1 and hope it carries on.  The seeds of doubt need to be planted early because then the odds of him doing some stupid prima donna shit skyrockets and I get to go off about LeBron again.  On a serious note though, if your a Cavs fan and you're reading this you should have nightmares about this team's defense.  You already know you can't beat Golden State, San Antonio, and probably not even OKC, if they met in the Finals, but I'm honestly concerned they might not even make it out of the East.  If Toronto gets it together, they play good defense and offense (usually).  Cleveland has offensive weapons, but defensively they have LeBron, Tristian Thompson, and kind of Shumpert and Mosgov.  Delly now and then yeah, but that's all you have for actually consistently good defenders.  That's not good enough to win a title.  I'd be more worried about Toronto than anyone from the West right now if I'm a Cavs fan.  But back to the game, LeBron was LeBron, not only in his play but in his antics.  Shameless whining at EVERY SINGLE CALL.  I honestly got mad at LeBron because every time a call went against him he threw his hands up by his face and started pleading to the ref.  I know a lot of other guys do it and they don't bother me because LeBron makes it a whole show when he get's away with all kinds of shit.  Example:



Blatant travel, but he's gotten away with that his whole career and before you can throw the Warriors illegal screens in my face understand that I know LeBron gets calls, and the Warriors get calls.  Also understand that most picks set in the NBA are illegal.  And when a travel is that obvious you have to call it.  The refs did a disservice to the game letting that go.  He also was fouled passing to Love and got free throws even though it looked nothing like a shot and he threw the ball right to Kevin Love.  Bron also bullied Reggie Jackson and hit him with a finish you'd expect from the old white guy in a pick-up game:



Note at the end where LeBron decided straight bullying Reggie wasn't enough so he actually bullies him by shoving him.  I couldn't find the under the basket replay where you could see him shoot then just shove Jackson.  Gotta prove you're the bigger man at 6-8 250 I guess.  And finally the Warriors are so in his head that he tried to steal one of their moves:



Yeah, word of advice here.  If you're going to do that make sure either Stephen Curry or Klay Thompson are shooting it.  I like Kyrie I really do and he played great yesterday, but he's not Steph, he's not Klay, save yourself from looking like an asshole and only do that when those guys are shooting.  Bogie!  Show em how it's done.



NHL Playoffs Continue To Be Great

Like I said in my predictions, I don't know a ton about hockey.  I only watch hockey during the  playoffs, but I'm rarely disappointed.  I was last night because the Ducks decided to make it interesting by making it 3-2 with like 5 minutes left but lost and barely even got any decent shots at the goal and it sucked.  I picked Ducks in 6 and now they're down 0-2 so they're the only pick I'm nervous about right now.  As for the other series Washington is handling Philly easily and the only thing worth note from that series is that this happened:


Yup, maybe the worst goal ever given up of all time.  And it happened in the playoffs when you're trying to beat the best team.  That sucks, I'm sorry Philly, but at least (some of) you have that Villanova title that almost killed me.  Rangers Penguins has seen two big wins each way.  Tampa Bay looked like it might run away with the series before Detroit won game 3 yesterday.  The Sharks are up 2-0 and like I said, you don't fuck with sharks.  The Blackhawks (the team I said would win it all, I have been informed that might be a bad choice but I'm sticking with it) are down 2-1 to the Blues in what has maybe been the best series so far.  The Wild are down 0-2 to Dallas as many expected.  They dominated game 1 winning 4-0, and game two they won 2-1 thanks to this filthy goal by Jamie Benn:



Yup, went 5 hole on a breakaway on an All-Star goalie.  Oh, this was the first goal:


If that doesn't go in maybe this game plays out differently.  Gonna be hard for Minnesota to beat the top seed in the West now, and even harder if they continue to struggle putting the puck in the net.

Finally we have the Islanders and Panthers and after two good first games that saw each team winning one, the first ever playoff hockey game at Barclay's Center did not disappoint.  Florida went up 2-0 (would've been 3-0 but a goal was disallowed) with these two goals:




The Isles responded:


And the Panthers responded to the response:


The Islanders would come roaring back with two more goals to force OT:


And finally John Hickey would win it for the Islanders with this:



I gave up looking for an actual video, but just know that Barclay's was going nuts.  It was sweet.

So that's all I got for this weekend.  Enjoy all the playoffs.

Like this post?  Share it!

Thursday, April 14, 2016

2016 NBA Playoff Predictions: 1st Round

Western Conference

(1) Golden State Warriors v (8) Houston Rockets

Pick: Warriors in 4
Why?: These teams met in the West Finals last year, and Golden State got better and the Rockets got much worse going 41-41 and losing every game they played against the Warriors this year.  In last years playoffs the Dubs won in 5 and the only game they lost was when Steph got concussed.  Patrick Beverly may do some dirty things against Steph this series but I don't think he'll get concussed and I don't think the dysfunctional Rockets win once.

(2) San Antonio Spurs v (7) Memphis Grizzlies

Pick: Spurs in 4
Why?: The Grizz lost a lot of their key guys to injury, everyone but Zach Randolph really, and the Spurs are maybe the best the Spurs have been ever.  I just don't see a way Memphis wins a game in what should be a slow and ugly series.

(3) Oklahoma City Thunder v (6) Dallas Mavericks

Pick: OKC in 5
Why?: Dallas has been here before, a lot, and for the first time since 2012 OKC will have Durant, Westbrook, and Ibaka healthy in the playoffs.  Two years ago Dallas was the 8 seed and pushed eventual champ San Antonio to 7, but OKC is so much more athletic and talented and the players have experience though Billy Donovan may not.  Rick Carlisle is a brilliant coach, but OKC is just way too good for them to make this series last longer than 6 games at most.

(4) Los Angeles Clippers v (5) Portland Trail Blazers

Pick: Clips in 6
Why?: This should be the most competitive series in the West, but unless Portland is red hot the whole series, LA has Blake Griffin back, and again they're a lot more talented.  Portland did well just to make the playoffs after losing 4 starters in free agency last year, let alone as the 5 seed.  LA was 9 games better at 53-29 (Portland was 44-38).  I think they'll steal a couple but that's it.

Eastern Conference:

(1) Cleveland Cavaliers v (8) Detroit Pistons

Pick: Cavs in 5
Why?: LeBron and the Cavs are the best team in the East, Detroit was very good and match up well, but LeBron teams always dominate the first round.  He's never had a first round loss, and though Stan Van Gundy was the coach of the Orlando team that beat LeBron and Cleveland in the 09 East Finals in 5 games, this Cavs team is much better than the 09 one (even though that team was 66-16) and that Orlando team was better than this Detroit team.  So I think they'll take one, maybe two, but they won't go to 7 and they won't win the series.

(2) Toronto Raptors v (7) Indiana Pacers

Pick: Raps in 6
Why?: Paul George is great and has been great in the playoffs when he gets there (remember he made it to back to back East finals vs the Big 3 Heat) but this team is the least talented team he's had in the post season going against the best Raptors team (record-wise) in their franchise history after a 56 win season.  And unlike last year the Raptors aren't limping into the playoffs, they likely won't get Demarre Carroll back at all, but as long as Lowry and DeRozan continue to be the second best backcourt in the league they shouldn't have much trouble.

(3) Miami Heat v (6) Charlotte Hornets

Pick: Hornets in 7
Why?: Miami has the playoff tested vets, and Charlotte is making the playoffs for the first time since 2014 when they were the Bobcats and were swept by the Heat.  Charlotte made a big jump in their 3 point shooting becoming the 4th best 3-point shooting team this year, a huge advantage over the Heat who kinda suck at shooting the 3.  Hassan Whiteside will be a huge key for Miami as the Hornets have really nobody who can slow him down, but I believe in Cardiac Kemba and the Hornets and I think they'll protect the Hive and take game 7 in South Beach.  I think all games will be close and it should be a great first round series.

(4) Atlanta Hawks v (5) Boston Celtics

Pick: Celtics in 7
Why?: Atlanta has the edge in the front court with Milsap and Horford, but I say Boston takes this one in another series that should have all close games and go 7.  It's tough to pick because they're both good not great teams without a superstar leading them, and both have great head coaches.  Should be a great series and (unfortunately because I don't like them) I think Boston will win it.