Saturday, January 30, 2016

JJ Watt Blasts The Most JJ Watt Tweet Of All Time



Oh man, look at JJ out here getting offers from "nurses" to help with his groin injury!  Dude must just go home and totally crush puss right?  Just opens his DM's and his phone turns wherever he is into a flood zone right?  Not only is he the greatest human being ever but he's hilarious and he's got "nurses" just lined up waiting to "help his groin rehab"!  Nice brah!  What do you like more about JJ?  His fake 3am tire flip workouts or the fact he just opens his phone and he's got girls just offering to rehab his groin?  Legendary stuff from my man double J.  I need someone to actually ask JJ this next question;  JJ could you be more lame?  Seriously.  That was the corniest joke ever, if you were trying to make people roll their eyes/throw up in their mouths instead of laugh then you succeeded.  Could you please just be an actual human for once?  Stop trying so damn hard.  But hey I guess when you can just open your phone and have just tons of girls offering to "rehab" his groin then you can be as corny as you want.

Live look inside JJ's head:

(Maybe not exactly but it's a great clip regardless)

(if it doesn't work: http://southpark.cc.com/clips/tlm8e1/in-their-safe-space#source=08f60a6f-24a8-4d88-88a3-eb5588494cbc:19eabca7-b00f-4a06-ac66-c9529cef2834&position=49&sort=airdate )

PS- I don't even see JJ Watt as a guy who has sex.  He seems like he'd rather be in the gym or doing tire flips all night*.  Who needs girls when you gotta get that next set in bro?  Also it could be because he's the lamest guy ever.  He's that guy who makes an awful awful joke when hitting on a girl and she then makes a face of disgust and moves on.

PPS- I bet only 6 girls said that to him.

PPPS- What a tool.


*has a camera crew film him doing like 1 rep of something so he can say he did it a 3am


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Friday, January 29, 2016

Magic Johnson Delivered Some Hot Takes On Twitter This Afternoon The Way Only Magic Can

Hot Take 1:  Happy For Shaq


Not really much of a hot take but this is the first series of many series of tweets Magic would tweet out this fine Friday Afternoon.




So Magic giving his take on everything today started with some congrats for Shaq on getting a statue.  Lot's of positive vibes, pointing out the obvious, and exclamation points that are a Magic Johnson twitter trademark.  I mean I don't really have anything here, you want me to tear down a guy for congratulating Shaq on a well-deserved statue?  If so you're a monster.


Hot Take 2: Pau Gasol Should Be An All-Star




See, you can't really lobby a guy for all-star support after they announced the full rosters last night Earv.  And the big guys that made it ahead of him (Drummond, Bosh, Milsap, and the wildcard; Celtic guard Isiah Thomas) are all having arguably better years.  Certainly not worse years.  Pau's kind of weird too, he'll put up numbers but he does it in a way that rarely seems to impact the game.  Like you wouldn't know he put up 18 and 9 or whatever until you saw the numbers.  And Magic you know they didn't keep him because A) they gave Kobe a 2-year $48million contract and B) that team was going nowhere.


Hot Take 3: A Street Should Be Named After Dodgers Radio Man Vin Scully






Ok, not from LA, never listened to a Dodgers radio broadcast, but I do know Vin Scully has had that job roughly since baseball was invented.  I think they should put a statue of him in the radio booth, fuck a street name.  Do we even know when he's going to die?  I'm positive he's in his 200's so when is the best time to honor him actually?  Do you even need to honor someone who's never going to die?  Just put his name in Dodger Stadium somewhere (if they haven't already) like the Brewers did with Bob Uecker and be done with it.


Hot Take 4:  LeBron Not A Coach Killer

 









Magic is wrong here.  If you've read any of my posts on LeBron you're probably going "oh no, he's just going to rant about how much LeBron sucks again."  But you know what?  You're goddamn right I am!  Here's the deal, LeBron actually can win 2 titles, 4 MVPs, and go to the finals 6 times and still be a coach killer because he's just that talented.  Another interesting stat?  He's gotten (at least) 2 coaches fired and tried to get another one fired and that's been cited as his primary motivation for leaving Miami.  Because they wouldn't fire his coach.  Oh by the way, 4 of those 6 finals appearances he had Wade and Bosh on his team.  And he's played his whole career in the East, which other than this year, has been a total shit show, those Miami years he never really had another team to challenge the Heat the whole time, and he didn't last year either.  And yeah he's got a really high basketball IQ, but you who know also has a really high basketball IQ?  COACHES.  And I bet if you asked NBA coaches if they wanted LeBron a decent amount would actually say no.  Why?  Because look at his ever growing track record of disrespecting his coaches.  Who wants to deal with some super bitch no matter how talented he is?  Nobody wants that headache and to be pushed around by any player.  Think Phil Jackson took shit constantly from Jordan and Kobe?  Doubt it.  And finally my advice to LeBron is to stop being such an arrogant dickhead and just be a player for once you ass.


Hot Take 5: Cam Newton Is An NFL Great











Loved the start to this one, really had me drawn in wondering where he was going with this.  I actually agree with this one.  Cam Newton is awesome, and if you don't like him because you think he's "arrogant" or whatever bullshit reason then fuck you.  Don't want to see him dance all over your team in the end zone?  Stop him.  Oh he gives away footballs after he's done dancing?  What an awful thing to do!  No I'm with Magic, Cam's why I tune in every Sunday!  Not because there's nothing better to do because it's Sunday, to watch the great ones in the NFL.


Hot Take 6:  Best College Hoops Season Ever!!

 





I don't know about the best ever, but it's been a good one with all the upsets and whatnot.  Now contrary to Magic's belief, there are not 10+ teams that can win the NCAA championship this year.  Actually there's only one, North Carolina, but if you want me to be real there's like 4.  NC, Oklahoma, Michigan State, and Kansas.  Texas A&M could make a run, but nothing more than a Final 4 really.  But Magic is right, the standings are close, nailed that one.

He also threw in some individual tweets about Serena Williams, Hillary Clinton, and the All-Star game, just follow him yourself if you want to see them that bad though.



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NHL Attempts To Keep John Scott Out Of All-Star Game, Finally Allows Him To Play

http://www.theplayerstribune.com/a-guy-like-me/

Let me start by saying I am not a hockey guy (outside the fact I nailed almost every playoff prediction last year but that's neither here nor there), but I do know the NHL basically forced the trade sending Scott from Phoenix to Montreal to happen.  Why?  Because this guy I've never once heard of got voted in by the fans as a joke, and the NHL was not to be made a fool of.  I mean this has to be the biggest bitch move in maybe ever?  There is no way the NHL couldn't possibly have seen something like this ever happening and this was their master plan to avoid having some 4th line nobody playing in the All-Star game?  They couldn't have like stopped counting his votes?  Or had just a pool of players to vote for determined by coaches or gm's or something?  No, they decide they're just going to make him change conferences.  The worst part of all this though?  They pussed out and now they're letting him play again!  Sure it's the right thing to do but I mean have a backbone, what are you the fucking NFL?  People don't like what you did so now you change it?  The NHL did a real live version of deleting a tweet that upset people.  If you're going to pull some bullshit like that then at least stick by it, if you put on the black hat then wear the damn thing.  If anything I lost respect for the NHL, I used to think it was tough then this happened.  Either sallow your damn pride and let the guy play in the first place, or kick him out and accept the fact you're scumbags, because now you just look like pussies.  And I think if anything having Scott in there in the first place is good for ratings.  I want to tune in now and see him try and keep up with like Kane and Crosby and whoever the hell else is in it.  In fact I hope he plays awesome, I hope he's the best player on the ice.  Blow it out your ass NHL.



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Thursday, January 28, 2016

Russell Wilson Needs To Google Complimentary Caption For His WCW Post....About His Super Hot Girlfriend Ciara. He Sucks



THIS JUST IN: Russell Wilson sucks at being a regular human being.  This shouldn't be news but still, it kinda is because this has to be an all time low right?  The guy refuses to have sex with THIS:







And now he can't even come up with literally anything to say about her on his own for a damn woman crush wednesday about her, his girlfriend.  First off what the hell are you doing a wcw for anyway Russ?  You're a pro football player not a teenage girl.  You clearly aren't whipped because YOU are withholding sex from HER.  I guess you did it because you're just a loser.  I think you've come closer to fucking the 12th man than Ciara.  If you don't see what's wrong with that you suck more than I thought you did.  You don't even deserve a dick at this point.  You won't use it with Ciara and if I'm being honest I'd probably give up my dick just to grab her ass, not even sensually just a quick grab and I'll be on my way.  You have to google how to compliment a beautiful woman and you picked the corniest shit ever.  Some shit about lilac soft honey lips?  What the hell you dork?  What page of your search results was that even on?  You couldn't just on your own come up with something like "my #wcw is my girl Ciaria because she's the most beautiful girl on the planet and is amazing."  It's that easy, that sucked and it's better than yours.  Or you search #WCW and pick any picture of a white couple and just use the caption because I'm sure it's some sappy bullshit.  Nope you had to go and google it and now you just look dumb.  C'mon Russ, you think Future ever googled anything to say about her?  Of course he didn't and he impregnated her and I bet he only said like 4 nice things to her max.  Forget Seattle being overrated, this is why they won't win another Super Bowl.



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Panther Superfan Makes UNREAL Playoff Anthem, Follows Up With Another Fire Track



HO-LEE SHIT.  If you haven't seen the first one by now, I just don't know what to tell ya.  But if you thought it couldn't possibly get any better than a chubby middle-aged redneck spitting raps to a generic apple garage band beat in his driveway, boy were you wrong.  Enter chubby middle-aged redneck doing spot-on panther sound while white trash redneck friend spits fire rhymes from a sheet of paper in his hand that he keeps looking at!  That first one is just pure gold, no need to go into great detail about it (though big time shout out to him shouting out the Panthers dance team the top cats or whatever the hell.  Talk about wheels, good lord.)  But you know how the sequel is never as good as the original?  Well throw that old adage in the trash now, these (likely) unemployed Panthers fans smashed the original.  The fact the guy had to look down at his raps in his hand during the panther sound is awesome.  If you didn't laugh at that then I don't even want to know you.  Starting the song by just dancing on the Cardinals graves with "we lost to the Cardinals, jk that was a joke!"  Ruthless, even Meek Mill's going "damn, glad Drake didn't come up with that while he was eviscerating me last summer."  You think if Carson Palmer hears that he'll just up and retire?  He almost has to, I don't know how Arizona comes back from that.  On top of that he drops a line about having a smoke then just pulls out a pack of Marbies and just awkwardly holds them there, explicit imagery, without it I would have been lost.  And I appreciate him calling the bay a nice area, not all raps need to be mean. Then he explained what a panther is, very helpful, here I was thinking it was a just big cat like a goddamn IDIOT.  Now I know it's actually a leopard, especially if it's black.  Flow got choppy after that but ended nicely talking about Greg's (Olsen I assume) hammer cock.  Then he had me thinking Josh Norman was mormon, but I guess he's not?  It just rhymed.  Then he spits in Manning's eye, and freestyles after the generic garageband beat, the very same one from the OG vid, ends.  Then a complete badass back to back pose.  Only to have their dweeb camera man not know how to stop the camera.  By the way, I'm almost certain that Ked guy who does the panther noise is actually part panther.  Or jungle cat at least.  Dude sounds exactly like how I imagine a panther would sound.  If I were walking through a jungle and he did that noise, I'd think my life is over.  I'm about to be some panther's fancy feast.  Love these videos though.  Some people might think they're corny and ridiculous.  They're right of course but those guys don't think they are.  I guarantee they finish those raps and think they just fucking killed it.  Game over, they run the rap game now.  And that's the beauty of these playoff anthems.  Finally, white trash is good for something.



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Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Get Weird Wednesday: Carolina Panthers Have A Locker Room Thing, And It's Called "Creedbombing"

http://www.charlotteobserver.com/sports/nfl/carolina-panthers/article55684590.html




You remember the band Creed right?  Kinda like Nickleback, all songs sound the same?  But you secretly kinda liked them anyway?  Oh yeah, you remember em.  This is great, guys just singing lines of Creed songs that you probably forgot about. I actually think it's hilarious, not only because it's the kind of dumb shit I would do, but because I enjoy seeing these guys do dumb shit and just enjoy themselves.  You think guys are creedbombing each other in Cleveland?  Hell no, they probably don't even talk to each other, they probably just wish they weren't playing for the Browns.  A+ locker room shenanigans.  Very weird very funny, I'm taking Carolina in the Super Bowl on creedbombing alone.  Luke Keuchly and Cam could break their legs in practice and as long as they're still creedbombing I'm sure they'll win.



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Dwayne Wade Says Texts From Son Inspired Him

http://bleacherreport.com/articles/2611403-dwyane-wades-son-13-year-old-son-sent-him-inspiring-text-messages-before-game

Now this is all very touching and all that.  But seriously this is making headlines?  Dwayne was inspired to drop a whole 27 points on BROOKLYN.  Who sucks.  They suck.  They're awful.  He only scored 27.  Yo, bleacher report, call me when he drops 50 on Cleveland.  I get Dwayne is old now at 34 or whatever but he's been playing well all year mostly, and 27 isn't even his season high.  And did I mention Brooklyn is trash?  They aren't even a good team.  And all he scored was 27 points.  That's it, couldn't even break 30 against a shitty, shitty Brooklyn team.  So his son Zaire sent him that and he scored 27 on Brooklyn so people are making a big deal out of it?  That text should've warranted a minimum of 40 points.  I'd be pissed if I were Zaire, like "hey dad I sent you this big heartfelt text and you couldn't even break 30 for me?  What the hell old man?  You only dropped 27 on the Brooklyn Nets who have the 3rd worst record in the league at 12-34?  Why'd the fans make you an All-Star starter?"  But in actuality I'm sure Zaire is just happy Dwayne can even still walk at this point so whatever, he still should've scored more for this to be a real story.  Wade can score 27 any given night still, so this is like any old game.  This text shouldn't even count as inspiring him unless he scores at least 35.  Probably at least 40, but since he's old now I'll lower the bar a bit.



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Tyronn Lue To Coach East All-Stars, What's The NBA Doing?

http://www.si.com/nba/2016/01/27/tyronn-lue-all-star-game-coach-cavaliers-east-david-blatt

Ok before I get into how ridiculous this is, fuck this website for being an actual website:
It's kingjamesgospel.com  gross right?

That's a site I NEVER plan on visiting.  Now back to the topic at hand, Adam Silver has done an awesome job as commissioner, he really has, but this is beyond stupid.  The man has been coaching for what?  5 days?  How do you not give it to literally any other coach in the East?  Does LeBron bully the NBA into making decisions too?  Tyronn Lue does not deserve to be the Coach of the East, he's only coached 3 games.  The put up a whopping 83 points against Chicago then they beat two shitty teams in Minnesota and Phoenix.  Coulda went with Dwayne Casey, the head coach of the second place Toronto Raptors and the All-Star game is in TORONTO.  This makes zero sense to me, I can't even comprehend how this happened.  Who's idea was this?  How was this even a possibility?  I need answers and I need them now.  Lue should just let Blatt show up and coach the team, and Blatt should just bench LeBron.  Or never take him out.  Maybe push him for revenge, or have the other guys on the team never pass to LeBron.  Make them pump fake at Bron, and just never let him touch the ball.  That'd be awesome, way better than any of the highlights.  If that happened it'd be the greatest All-Star game ever in my book.  Toronto 2016:  The Keepaway Game.  I like it.  But seriously Adam, how could that beautiful bald head of yours allow such a dumb thing to happen?

hahahaha, new favorite picture



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LeBron Reacts To Being Called A Coach Killer; Shockingly Denies It And Acts Like He's Perfect

http://bleacherreport.com/articles/2611560-lebron-james-comments-on-coach-killer-label-criticism-and-more

Ok, I'll make this one relatively quick because I've been all over this whole LeBron murdering coaches thing.  First thing, if you actually believe what LeBron's saying here you are the dumbest human being alive and you should do some soul searching.  LeBron's a scumbag, you know it and I know it.  The fact he can keep getting up and casually act like he's a victim and he's perfect "just look at all the bullshit I tweet and put on instagram" is remarkable really.  Bottom line is saying he's never disrespected a coach is blatant lie.

Case A:

 

Case B:

Case C:

Case D:
http://ballssports.blogspot.com/2016/01/according-to-minority-owner-of-miami.html

And now he's gotten Blatt fired and he's making Tyronne Lue implement an up-tempo system because LeBron likes playing that way. (you can find my take on the Blatt firing here: http://ballssports.blogspot.com/2016/01/cleveland-cavaliers-fire-head-coach.html  and the Lue thing here: http://ballssports.blogspot.com/2016/01/lebron-says-cavs-switch-to-up-tempo.html )

Also remember back during the 2010 free agency period?  You know the year he made "the decision" and left for Miami?  Yeah, well you may have forgotten he wanted Mike Brown out so the Cavs fired him and hired Byron Scott away from New Orleans and he still left them, screwed them there too. (not the best article about it but otherwise it was ESPN  or bleacher report sitting on the fence or on LeBron's side being pc and whatever: http://www.esquire.com/sports/a7580/mike-brown-fired-052410/ )  So there, LeBron is an arrogant ass who disrespects his coaches because he's so arrogant and full of himself, and in addition to that he's also a compulsive liar.


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Knicks In Talks With Hawks For Jeff Teague

It's been a slow day, and this has been tossed out there so for any fellow Knicks fan reading this you can have my take.  If you're from New York especially you should listen, because again I was right about Porzingis being a good pick while you all were mad at Phil Jackson.  So, I think Jeff Teague is a very underrated point guard, and a huge step up from Calderon and Grant.  I definitely think he's worth pursuing but at the right price.  Throw salary and that out the window I'm no finance expert.  I don't want the Knicks to pull a classic Knicks move and throw away good young guys for another quick fix.  This year is ten billion times better than last year so no need to screw it up because Melo still has time.  If the Knicks can ship Jose and maybe a couple bench guys, because they have like no picks thanks to the Melo deal, and strike some kind of balance with Atlanta for Teague I say go for it.  If there's one thing missing it's a really good backcourt player.  Afflalo has been good, and at times great, Teague is a guy who can control a game, score from multiple areas, and is explosive and plays defense.  Jose does basically none of that.  Teague is a guy who I think can run the triangle, hit those open shots, and move the ball.  He can even attack the rim when he needs to, and again he plays d.  But I don't want New York to throw away like Galloway, Grant, D-Will, or whoever just for Teague who is very underrated but not really a franchise altering talent.  So if they can get him for not a whole lot, great.  If not, just add some more guys this summer and take it from there.
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Seahawks Fans Start Petition To BAN Cam Newton From Centurylink Field

http://bleacherreport.com/articles/2611212-seahawks-fans-start-petition-to-ban-panthers-cam-newton-from-centurylink-field





Hey Seattle, get the FUCK outta here.  This proves everything I've been saying about you all being the worst fan base in sports.  You lost to an incredible football player and incredible team, then you bitched about him throwing a goddamn 12th man flag and now this?  You can't be serious.  You think he's disrespectful?  How about you all rubbing your nuts on other teams/fans when you win even though 95% you know as much about football as a rock does.  This is so far over the top it's unbelievable, and the worst part is that this isn't like a few bad fans like every fan base has.  There's Packer fans that go way over the top and I hate those people too even though they root for the same team I do.  No, their whole fan base is like this, they think they're the greatest franchise ever and a gift to football, they've won 1 Super Bowl.  Ever.  This petition has 2,167 signatures as of 2:49 central, and I guarantee you not one Seahawks fan thinks anything about this is petty, childish, disgraceful, over the top, and pathetic.  Grow the hell up Seattle.  Enjoy never winning another Super Bowl and being the most annoying fan base in the entire world, and rooting for an overrated team.



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Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Cornrows Are What Led To Melo And Kristaps Becoming Best Friends

http://bleacherreport.com/articles/2611270-kristaps-porzingis-childhood-days-with-cornrows-won-over-carmelo-anthony



Match made in heaven if I've ever seen one.  Once again as Knicks fan in Wisconsin (huge step up from the Bucks I know) I actually liked the Porzingis pick.  That may be because I was on the "get rid of Melo" train, but now who knows?  You add a few more pieces and in the East you have a shot at a Finals run.  But I love this, a young Kristaps rocking some rows, looking not terrible with em either.  Then of course the classic cornrows of Denver Carmelo, an all time look.  Who woulda thunk that a shitty hairstyle is what would bring these two together?  As a guy who used to defend Carmelo in his early New York days, saying it's possible to win with him as your number one option, to a guy who wanted his giant contract having ass outta there, I'm back on board with keeping him.  Like him or not he's an established star who's seen it all and has actually handled the New York media and pressure pretty well, and he can help Kristaps with that.  But seriously cornrows has to be an all time terrible hairstyle right?  That can't be just me.  It's awful, on everyone, black, white, mexican, whatever.  Bad hairstyle right there.


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According To A Minority Owner Of The Miami Heat, LeBron Wanted Erik Spoelstra Fired

http://bleacherreport.com/articles/2611328-miami-heat-minority-owner-claims-lebron-james-wanted-erik-spoelstra-fired  <-----Read this.


So now you know I'm right about the LeBron thing, he got Blatt fired.  This thing about him trying to get Pat Riley to fire E-Spo is another gigantic clue.  Quick shoutout to Riles telling Bronny nobody is going to tell him how to run his team and putting him in his place.  It's actually sad that LeBron is so full of himself that he can't lower himself to actually work with a coach.  He's the most gifted basketball player of all time and he can't just play and willingly be coached.  Mark Jackson was fired in Golden State after a second straight playoff appearance.  Did guys like Steph Curry who was becoming a star after 5 years in the league and loved Jackson, or Klay Thompson disregard Steve Kerr?  No, they let him coach and bought in, and they listened to him.  That's why they're successful.  Same goes for all the Spurs players and Pop, they respect and listen to him.  Obviously Blatt was a rookie coach, but he was a highly regarded rookie coach.  But look at Russell Westbrook and Kevin Durant, you don't see them trying to push Billy Donovan around.  LeBron won't win a title again, no matter where he goes, if he doesn't lower himself and actually realize "hey this guy is actually trying to help me win, we have a common goal, he's a brilliant basketball mind and I should do what he's asking of me."  Too bad he's just such a huge egomaniac that'll never happen.  I feel worst for Cleveland, they'll always have a shot at the Finals with him in Cleveland, but with San Antonio, Golden State, and OKC I don't see him winning one.  It's time for people to stop only talking about how great LeBron is and start talking about how he's a cancer.  Other players follow the best player and if he's always disrespecting the coach they follow.  You cannot win in any sport in that scenario.  Can't do it.  Also this guy wants to be regarded as a great person and role model?  Ignoring your coach and bullying (or trying to) organizations into doing whatever you want is setting a horrible example oh holy and righteous king james.  I love how as more stories and speculation about this comes out, the smaller the king looks.




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Blake Griffin (Allegedly) Beat The Hell Out Of A Member of The Clippers Equipment Staff

http://www.cbssports.com/nba/eye-on-basketball/25462337/report-clippers-blake-griffin-injures-hand-fighting-team-equipment-staffer


Bravo Blake.  Why on Earth would you swing on a member of the equipment staff?  Did he forget to wash your jock?  Accidentally put the wrong jersey in your locker?  Didn't set your free custom Jordans up exactly right?  I've never been a huge Blake guy, mostly because he flops and whines and is basically just a big bitch on the floor like every Clipper, but I always thought he was a funny relatively low-ego guy.  But now he's throwing punches at the equipment staff?  Either he overreacted to something or that guy said something unbelievably nasty, because there's really zero reason for a professional athlete to throw punches at anyone else who isn't a pro athlete.  I thought those guys are on the same team, the equipment guy comes in, distributes gear, and that's that.  Gotta know what lead to this.  Tough guy Blake being an ass?  Or tough guy equipment staff member being an ass?  My gut says tough guy Blake, but who knows, maybe that guy did deserve it.




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Minnesota High School Girls Basketball Team Kicked Out Of League For Being Too Good

http://espn.go.com/espnw/news-commentary/article/14646198/minnesota-basketball-team-kicked-league-being-too-good


Whaaaaaaat?  Grow up Minnesota, for a state that loves hockey you think they'd be tough enough to disallow this right?  They got kicked out for their players skill level?  I'm flabbergasted.  That is awful, and completely unfair.  Is it their fault they're just kicking ass up and down the hardwood all game?  Don't want them to beat you?  Play better.  That simple.  You know this is probably because some parents bitched after their team got their doors blown off and they didn't like it.  Those people suck, it's not everyone else's fault your daughter sucks, and her team isn't good enough.  Oh and this quote by Tessa McCarthy? "Are we supposed to play worse just to make them happy?"  Dynamite.  No Tess, you shouldn't have to do that, the other schools in your league should suck it the fuck up and try to actually beat you instead of stomping their feet and throwing a fit over your team being good.  My God, this world gets softer by the second.

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Monday, January 25, 2016

Missouri Quarterback Maty Mauk Suspended For Doing Cocaine

http://deadspin.com/missouri-suspends-qb-maty-mauk-after-video-of-him-alleg-1755118844



Yeah so doing coke as a d1 quarterback?  Not a great look.  Doing coke as a d1 quarterback and a video of it ends up on the internet?  Terrible look.  Look, this guy's a college quarterback just looking to let off some steam by doing some blow, what's so bad about that?  Well other than the fact it's illegal, awful for you, and he's a scholarship athlete and starting quarterback at an SEC school?  I guess nothing.  Look, if this guy was just smoking weed this is a laughable story, not even worth mentioning, just a little harmless college shenanigans.  But this guy not only snorting coke, but snorting coke in front of a camera, and did I mention HE'S A DIVISION 1 QUARTERBACK AT AN SEC SCHOOL???  How stupid can you get?  If you're in that position and you decide you want to snort some lines, don't ever, ever, EVER, do it in front of a fucking camera!  But I guess if you're dumb enough to do cocaine, you're dumb enough to do it in front of a camera.  Maty learning the hard way that he should've just got hammered and smoked some weed like a normal person.



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Georgia Southern Beats Appalachian State With A 4-Point Play MUST WATCH


App State was leading by 3 with something like 4 seconds left and this happened.  Another reason why college basketball is great.
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Tattoo Rate: Manny Machado Wife Portrait On Forearm

Rate: 4/10

I'm no tattoo expert, and I'd imagine doing a picture is hard, but if I'm Manny I'm not a big fan of this.  Look at the tat version of her, she looks older and kinda scary.  If I had that tat on my forearm every time I looked down and saw it I think I'd gasp out of shock.  I mean it's actually quite incredible, but I would not want that on my body for the rest of time.  Also, this means Manny can't chase strange on the road.  Dude can't get divorced from this girl ever.  You think another girl would enjoy the fact that his wife/ex-wife if they get divorced is permanently there on his forearm?  Exactly, gotta think about the possibilities, no marriage is guaranteed to last in this day and age, Manny ends up single again and this hurts him.  Obviously he could wear long sleeves or something and the fact he's a multimillionaire professional athlete helps, the tat of a wife or girlfriend does not sit well with women.  



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LeBron Says Cavs Switch To Up-Tempo Pace Has Nothing To Do With Him

http://espn.go.com/nba/story/_/id/14645106/lebron-james-says-cleveland-cavaliers-run-tyronn-lue-tempo-offense-coach-wants

So before I get into this here's LeBron:

"I don't know. We don't know," said LeBron James when asked for an explanation for the shift, given the team's solid track record playing with the 28th-ranked pace in the league (95 possessions per game). "This is what Coach [Lue] wants. This is what Coach wants to do, and this is what we're going to do. This isn't a LeBron thing. I'm talking out of IQ of the game, but this is what Coach wants to do, so this is what we're going to do."

Cleveland ranks first in the NBA in points per play in transition, according to ESPN Stats & Information, but only averages 13.1 transition plays per game, which is 17th in the league. Going hand in hand with that stat is the fact that James is shooting 71 percent in field goal attempts taken in transition this season, which also ranks first among players with at least 100 transition plays.
"I'm not aware of that stat," James said when informed of his personal success in transition. "One thing since I was a kid, I love to run the floor. And, it's funny, I always talk to RJ [Richard Jefferson], I say I should've been a West Coast player growing up, because they run the floor on the West Coast, and on the East Coast we dribble the ball and things of that nature."

Riiiiiiiiiiiggghtt.  Ok LeBron, once again the team is making a major change and you had nothing to do with it?  First off, Cleveland's goal is to win the Finals correct?  The only time they had success against Golden State is when they slowed them down and made it an ugly, knock-down-drag-out game, they do realize that right?  I'm thinking they don't.  You know what happens when you try to out Golden State Golden State?  You get embarrassed.  You cannot beat them trying to out run them, they are the best fast paced team in the league and time and time again they've proved that fast is not the way to go against them.  Take last year's playoffs for example, they had two series go to 6 games, the Grizzlies in the West semis and Cavs in the Finals.  Know why they lost two games?  Because Memphis and Cleveland disrupted the Warriors flow by slowing the game down and playing physical.  The other two series against New Orleans and Houston?  They swept NO and beat Houston in 5, and the game they lost is the game Steph had a concussion.  Back to Bron Bron now.  I LOVE the fact he says he wasn't aware of the stat about him being good in transition.  Like there's a LeBron stat he doesn't know, but it's not like he was unaware of him being a great transition player, he knew damn well he was good in transition.  And the whole quote about him wishing he was a West Coast player instead of an East Coast?  You're from Ohio King James, the midwest, not the East Coast.  Shit LeBron were you one and done out of high school?  It's basic geography man.  Oh and they don't dribble the ball on the West Coast?  They dribble the ball everywhere, c'mon.  But seriously, I bet my entire life that LeBron wanted to play faster and Blatt didn't want to so LeBron got him fired and they hired Lue and he's making this change because it's what LeBron wants.  Everyone knows LeBron runs every aspect of that team, that quote about always loving to play uptempo lead me to solve the mystery on why LeBron wanted Blatt out.  Enjoy another year not bringing the 'ship back to the land Bron.


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Eddie Lacy Reportedly To Possibly Train With P90X Creator

http://www.tmz.com/2016/01/25/nfls-eddie-lacy-in-talks-with-p90x-creator-interested-in-training/

I know it's a tmz story buuuuut, look out NFL.  This is same dude that made the core workout that everyone has seen.  If you've never even seen the p90x video I'm going to assume you've never seen any workout video.  He's saying he can help Feast Mode lose the gut and eat right?  As a Packer fan I am ALL IN on this idea.  I love it, seeing a running back with the gut of a lineman get gassed after 25 yards is not as much fun as you think it may be.  If there's one thing Eddie needs it's this.  Packers give him a brutal workout regiment and this Tony Horton, Mr. p90 himself, will help Lacy get in the best shape of his life.  Love it, makes me feel better about my guaranteeing the Packers winning the Super Bowl next year which I already feel very confident about.  Is a lean Lacy even stoppable?  Probably to some extent, but I wouldn't be shocked if he isn't.  Honestly though, I don't care what they have to do to get my fatass running back into shape, as long as they stop this:




#NewYearNewEddie




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2016 NFL Playoff Championship Sunday Recap

Broncos 20 Patriots 18

Just want to say, I was right about the Denver defense being great and that they could be why Denver wins.  I also thought the Pats would pull away late with some big plays so my actual game prediction was wrong.  But Denver was in Tom Brady's grill all day long and made it very hard for him.  Peyton Manning on the other hand was just non existent in the second half, but in the first half he did this:


Then Denver only got two field goals the rest of the game.  Brady's day on the other hand started rough.

He did this:


Then this:


But of course the Pats would come back thanks to two huge catches by Gronk.



But then something strange happened, late in a post season game the Pats didn't make the play to save their lives.


Though to be honest it felt like it might not be the Patriots day when Stephen Gostkowski missed a PAT when he honestly never ever misses an extra point.  It's literally been 9 years since he has.


And finally this is why I think the Denver D is the scariest in the league:


All in all, I don't know if they can beat Carolina, but seeing the Pats lose was still very satisfying.


Panthers 49 Cardinals 15 

This game was a bloodbath from the start, so instead of going in depth, I'll let the days of both quarterbacks tell the story.

Here's how Cam's night went:





Yeah.  He did throw a pick, but it ended up not mattering because the Panthers got the ball right back.  Here's what Carson Palmer did.  SPOILER: nothing good:








I guess it doesn't matter where you go, once you play for Cincy you'll always be part Bungle.



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Sunday, January 24, 2016

2016 NFL Playoff Predictions: Championship Sunday

PATRIOTS AT BRONCOS (2:05pm central CBS)

Prediction: Pats 31 Broncos 17

Why?: I think that Denver can keep it close for a while if their defense shows up, which I think they will. I've said I think they're one of the best, if not the best, in football. I just don't see Peyton Manning and the offense being able to keep up with Brady and the Patriots. It'd be great for Peyton to win and go out with a ring, but unfortunately the Pats are a great team and I think they'll pull away late and punch their tickets to North Cali (Santa Fe right?)


CARDINALS AT PANTHERS (5:40central FOX)

Prediction: Panthers 24 Cardinals 21

Why?:  Well Carolina has been the best team in the NFL all year. They went up 31-0 on Seattle last weekend and held their lead and hung on. But their problem is they get a big lead then they seem to lose it. Arizona is more dangerous offensively than Seattle is. So Cam is going to need to lead scoring drives today. I think he will, but Arizona had a very real chance to go to a second Super Bowl if Carson Palmer plays like he did almost all year. Last week against Green Bay he was not good, not good at all really. He threw 2 picks and should've thrown about 5 honestly. Carolina will make those plays so he needs to be much better today. This game should be close and I think Carolina pulls it out, it feels like this is their year.
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Friday, January 22, 2016

Cleveland Cavaliers Fire Head Coach David Blatt

http://sports.yahoo.com/news/sources--cavaliers-fire-coach-david-blatt-210152429.html

Yeah it's official, Warriors dominance of the brains of LeBron and the entire Cleveland Cavaliers organization has reached a new high.  It was one thing when they had LeBron staying up all night trying to think of a comeback to Curry saying he hopes Cleveland's locker room still smells like champaign, or when LeBron threw Steph, or when LeBron had the ultimate look of dismay when he saw it was Steph who ripped him all on Monday.  Or when LeBron was freaking out about his team being 8-3 when the Warriors were undefeated and steamrolling everyone.  It has now gotten so bad that LeBron has decided Blatt's time is done and Tyrone Lue has been named new head coach.  Is this because Lue as an even smaller voice against LeBron's?  I mean Blatt had no say when LeBron wanted something on or off the floor.  For god's sake LeBron made his own substitutions in the Finals, did whatever he wanted on the court this year, and during the Bulls series last spring he scrapped Blatt's play and said just get him the ball I mean hit the game winner because of it but still.  When you're the most gifted player of all time and you have only 2 rings, and are 2-4 in the Finals, maybe you should focus more on just playing and not coaching and being gm.  Remember he demanded all the guys from last year get paid, no matter how much, so he's stuck with this team.  A team I don't think will actually win the title, unless the Warriors, Spurs, and Thunder are all hit with major injuries to like Steph, KD, and Leonard.  The Cavs are chasing their own tail trying to figure something out and I don't think it's good at all for the team.  Cleveland I really do want you guys to win a title, but I'd start putting stock in the Indians or Browns (ok maybe not the Browns) before the Cavs.  They have all this talent and they keep going backwards.  Also this is a brutal break for David Blatt.  He's a good coach, but last year coming in and you get LeBron who decided he was going to run the show is rough, then you get fired because of it?  I think he should be given another chance, but if not he's like the greatest coach of all time in Russia, so he always has the chance to go back and coach commies in the cold.

RIP Blatt's dignity.



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Kobe Dropped 81 10 Years Ago Today



I remember the next day on Sportscenter and this was the only thing being talked about and for good reason, it was unbelievable that he scored 81 in a game.  8 freaking 1 points.  And of course Kobe was the guy to do it, and he even shot like 60% in the game.  Would be classic Kobe if he had 81 points on like 76 shots.  And the Lakers needed a lot of those 81 to comeback and beat Toronto.  So enjoy the highlights and love him or hate him you can't deny this was one of the greatest performances of all time.
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USC Players Don't Want Rams in L.A. Because They Think They'll Steal Their Girls

http://bleacherreport.com/articles/2609981-usc-players-dont-want-rams-in-la-worried-they-will-steal-women

Interesting stuff, the guys in the video are SC basketball guys so I wouldn't think they get more girls anyway, I'd think it'd be the football guys worried about that.  You'd think the UCLA basketball guys would be the ones getting the girls in LA right?  Maybe it's just me who thinks that and I'm not a girl in LA looking to hook up with college hoops players so what would I know?  Anyway, this is awesome, LA is pumped about NFL coming back and these guys are like no way, they'll just steal our girls.  Then he backtracks and says they'll try to steal their girls.  Yeahh, I don't think it'll be hard for a multimillionaire professional athlete to steal a girl from a college kid, no matter how much the boosters are paying him.  If Todd Gurley wants the same girl one of those kids do, Todd gets that girl, if nothing else it's because he's rich.  I get it though, USC basketball gets the girls the Lakers, Clippers, Dodgers, Angels, SC football, UCLA football, and UCLA basketball guys don't want.  I'm sure those are the ones the Rams will go for.  You're right guys, you should be afraid.   If anything you'll lose them to UCLA basketball and you guys will have to bump down another level.  But it's not like you live in LA where there's plenty of hot women.  It's a damn shame, pray for these guys.



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Thursday, January 21, 2016

Zaza Pachulia Was Nearly An All Star Starter. No Seriously

http://bleacherreport.com/articles/2609996-mavs-c-zaza-pachulia-was-14k-votes-away-from-being-all-star-starter



If anyone from the country of Georgia is reading this, you guys dropped the ball.  You get within 14 thousand votes and instead Zaza is on the outside looking in.  Now he won't be an All Star because he is not near that level.  If Georgia/Dallas, TX could have gotten Zaza a starter spot, legendary stuff.  The big Georgian starting alongside Kobe, Durant, Steph, and Westbrook.  Fits right in.  The casual fan has likely never heard of him and actual NBA fans would either find it hilarious or be pissed for whatever reason.  I wish it would have happened, because let's be real, unless Georgia rallies around Zaza again and bombards him with votes, this is as close as he'll ever get to the All Star game.

PS- GAME SEVEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNN




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There Will Be A Live Read of Space Jam at All-Star Weekend

http://bleacherreport.com/articles/2609965-nba-all-star-weekend-will-feature-live-reading-of-space-jam



(Greatest movie theme song of all time?  Probably.)



I gotta say, super down on this idea.  Unless MJ walks out in full TuneSquad uni and starts dunking on cartoon aliens before our very eyes, this sounds like a huge waste of time.  Who wants to watch Mike and whoever just read the old script?  What fun is that?  Unless I have no idea what a live read is, this sounds like something nobody should waste their time watching.  I guess it could be kinda ok, I don't know how they'd manage that but I'm sure it's at least possible.  Who's gonna be Buggs Bunny?  Melo?  Bron?  Harden?  Kobe?  I'm not seeing how this is going to be a worthwhile event.  My advice would be to just go watch the movie instead, fire up any copy of Space Jam you can get your hands on and enjoy a little childhood nostalgia for a spell.



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Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Get Weird Wednesday: Coach John Calipari Kentucky Only NBA All Star Campaign Video

So a little new thing I'd like to introduce to you.  Get Weird Wednesday, and yes it's called that because weird and Wednesday start with w.  It's pretty self explanatory, I'll write a blog about the weirdest thing from the sports world I find.  Pretty new idea, I'd like to see where it goes.  I'm hoping this blog gets big enough and people actually engage constantly with it so I can take suggestions (I can do it now if you ever got one.  Email is in the header.)  So let's get started, the very first Get Weird Wednesday goes to none other than John Calipari for this GEM of an NBA All-Star vote video telling UK fans to vote for former Wildcats.

AMAZING.  Awesome stuff, so awkward, so graceful, so corny, so beautiful.  Coach Cal, by God you've done it, best All Star voting campaign I have ever laid eyes on.  The fake unibrow?  Classic. The SUPER awkward John Wall dance that nobody, not even John Wall himself, has done since 2010?  I real life lol'd at that one.  The awkward beginning where it seemed like he didn't really know what he wanted to say then just went right into "BOOGIE."  Pointed to the headband and pulled out a VOTE BOOGIE tee?  The perfect amount of weird.  The strange wide eyed stare at the camera is also a thing of beauty.  Basically everything about this video is so awkward it's amazing.  How about Cal pitching Rondo when he never coached Rondo at UK, or ever for that matter.  Best part though? Tough call, but I'd say it's between talking to his shoulder (the Karlito part) or the Bledsoe bobble head.  Calling out all his players that either ride the bench only or are like d-league guys and saying that they're their own lottery ticket though?  Also great, basically I love it all.  Saying D-Rose, Tyreke Evans, Patrick Patterson, and Terrance Jones are All-Stars though?  Bit of a stretch there coach.  Actually it's a giant, full splits kind of a stretch but you all know that.  Does Coach Cal actually do his own recruiting though?  After this video I'm questioning it, because that was a terrible pitch by Cal there.  I hope he doesn't walk into some 18 year olds house and just give em that weird stare he gave that camera and fumble around with his words and talk in that hushed tone you talk to toddlers with.  He can't right?  What if he did?  Just takes a bobblehead found in the house and asks it questions like it were the recruit instead, or helping Cal give the pitch.  Would be fascinating though.  So that's Get Weird Wednesday, basically it'll be stuff like that and I'll try to make jokes about it.  This Cal video will be tough to beat though, greatest video on the internet in my opinion.


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Buffalo Bills Hire Kathryn Smith As First Full-time Female Assistant Coach

http://espn.go.com/nfl/story/_/id/14614558/kathryn-smith-hired-buffalo-bills-nfl-first-full-female-assistant

First Rex hires Rob, now he hires this Kathryn Smith.  Not gonna go the easy route and say she must have had nice feet to be hired by Rex.  Good for the Bills though.  They have Rex Ryan (and now also Rob on the staff) as their head coach and the lovable degenerates known as Bills Mafia for a fan base, so you wouldn't think Buffalo is the first team that would hire a female coach.  I'd expect like New England or I could even see Green Bay doing that.  But let's take a step back here, her actual job title is "special teams quality control coach."  Is that actually a real job to begin with?  I played football until my junior year of high school, watched and followed it my whole life, never once have I heard of a special teams quality control coach.  I'm pretty sure "quality control" falls under the basics of being the special teams coach, and she's obviously not straight up special teams coach, because then they wouldn't have added "quality control" after special teams.  So my question is does she even have to do anything at all?  And if she doesn't can I be the STQCC for a team?  Any team, even like Chicago or Minnesota I don't care.   I'm struggling to figure out what she would even do other than just kind of be there and maybe make a point or two in film.  This may just be a savvy veteran coaching/PR move by Rex.  People think you're a buffoon for hiring your gigantic brother who's a terrible coach?  Hire a woman.  Instant hero.  Love it, maybe next year Rex's team won't be among the most penalized (no you can laugh, obviously they will be).  One serious point though, I don't care how into football any girl is, I don't think that's a sport they should coach.  Like the highest level of football for woman is the Lingerie Football League, and if you watch that it's not for the football, no matter what you tell your wife/girlfriend/anyone.  Becky Hammon and the Spurs is different, because even though men's and women's basketball are different as far as like athleticism, it's still the same basic game, it's still basketball, that's why I think that works and she may be a head coach someday.  This has to purely be PR, jokes aside, that or Rex has officially run out of ideas.


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